Never Born Comic Strips - Page 1

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649 Results for Never Born

View 1 - 10 results for never born comic strips. Discover the best "Never Born" comics from Dilbert.com.

Asok's Job Was Never Real

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Asok's Job Was Never Real - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Dilbert Characters

Never Answer Your Phone At Work

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Never Answer Your Phone At Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tina Misremembers

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Tina Misremembers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, meeting, cancel, communication, remember, text, message, confirm, trigger, cognitive dissonance, absurd, frogs, hooves, wrong, liar

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Tina: why didn't you tell me you canceled the meeting?!! dilbert: i did. Tina: you absolutely did not. i would certainly remember if you did. dilbert: here are the text messages when i told you i canceled the meeting and you conformed. Alice in a daze. Dilbert: uh-oh. i seemed to have triggered cognitive dissonance. whatever you say next is likely to be an absurdity that allows you to be right when you are wrong. Tina: i told you frogs don't have hooves, but you insisted they did! admit you were wrong! i win you liar! dilbert thinking: this show never gets old.

Potted Plant

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Potted Plant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, communication, job, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, employees, feelings, potted plant, new, boss

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ceo: the only reason you have a job is so i don't have to talk to employees. but i still talk to you every day, so i hired a potted plant to be your new boss. boss: i feel deeply insulted. ceo: see? a plant would never feel that way.

Never Admit You Are Wrong

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Never Admit You Are Wrong - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office relationships, wrong, admit, pride, cumulative, clouds, speachless, example

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tina: you never admit you're wrong. dilbert: give me one example of that. tina: well, for example, there was the time you said there were no such things as "cumulative" clouds. panel changes to office building. tina: to this day, you have not admitted you were wrong. dilbert: um...

Ceo Speaks Out

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Ceo Speaks Out - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, political issues, stock, stock market, plunged, voice, injustice, bonus, million, dollars, Advice

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catbert: our stock plunged 30% because you spoke out on a political issue. ceo: no one can silence my voice when i see a great injustice. catbert: this will cost you your entire bonus of $10 million. ceo: what if i agree to never speak again?

Wally Works At Home Unsafely

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Wally Works At Home Unsafely - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, warning, unsafe, workplace, work at home, remote, live, judging, personality, toxic, dump, lazy, clean, lucky, guess, neighbors, curtains, laptop

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wally on video call with catbert: catbert: i'm issuing you a warning for your unsafe workplace. wally: i work from home. you've never seen where i live. catbert: i'm judging by your personality. you're too lazy to clean anything up, so by now it's a toxic dump. wally: that's a lucky guess. catbert: and you're too lazy to close your curtains, so by now your neighbors want to murder you. wally: that's two lucky guesses.

Pretending To Listen

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Pretending To Listen - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, laptop, pretending, listening, camera, look, zoom, anger, video call, boss, easy, golden age

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boss on video call. boss: some of you are only pretending to be paying attention to this zoom call. boss yelling: you're still doing it! stop it! look into the camera!!! dilbert at home. dilbert: pretending to listen to your boss has never been easier. dogbert: golden age!

Cameras Can See You

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Cameras Can See You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, technology, hackers, camera, digital device, skills, detection, performance, review, minutes, laptop, coffee

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boss and wally on video call. wally: did you know hackers can see you and hear you through the cameras on your digital devices? in fact, someone with my skills could do it in minutes and never be detected. boss: what are you trying to tell me? wally: it's just something to keep in mind when you do my performance review.

Worth Praising

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Worth Praising - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, business, human relations, positive, reinforcement, praise worthy, praise, leader, first

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wally: you never give me any positive reinforcement. boss: first you have to do something worth praising. wally: you can't call yourself a leader if you make me go first.