Only Person Comic Strips - Page 1

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1000 Results for Only Person

View 1 - 10 results for only person comic strips. Discover the best "Only Person" comics from Dilbert.com.

Only One Choice

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Meeting In Person

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Too Busy To Train

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Too Busy To Train - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, jobs, managers & supervisors, two, replacement, quit, death, stare, new, person, sarcasm

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dilbert: i'm working two jobs since ted quit. maybe you could fire a replacement for ted. boss: that won't work because you're too busy to train a new person. panel changes building. voice from building: stop making that death stare and get back to your two jobs.

Insults By Email

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Insults By Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, communication, office workers, insult, email, comfortable, belittle, Opinion, move away, sarcasm

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dilbert: i feel a deep need to belittle your opinion, but it would be awkward doing it in person. would you mind moving away from me so i can email you my insult? dilbert in hall by himself. dilbert: a little more....

Potted Plant

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Potted Plant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, communication, job, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, employees, feelings, potted plant, new, boss

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ceo: the only reason you have a job is so i don't have to talk to employees. but i still talk to you every day, so i hired a potted plant to be your new boss. boss: i feel deeply insulted. ceo: see? a plant would never feel that way.

Non Disclosure Denied

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Non Disclosure Denied - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, sales, sales personnel, nondisclosure agreement, product, new, waste, refusal, sign, company, vendor, lawyer, idiot

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salesman: i'll need you to sign a nondisclosure agreement before i can show you our new product. dilbert: you wasted a trip here because i won't be doing that. the fact that you even asked me to sign an nda tells me your company is incompetent. dilbert: i prefer giving my business to a vendor who can show me their product without getting a lawyer involved. salesman: you could sign it without having your lawyer review it. dilbert yelling: do i look like an idiot? salesman holding out nda toward dilbert. dilbert: well? do i? salesman: only form your chin to your forehead area.

Frequent Victims Club

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Frequent Victims Club - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, join, frequent, victim, club, beverage, minute, dollar, track, purchases, sell, data, colleagues, stores, customer, servey

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man with red apron: would you like to join our frequent victims club? dilbert: no, i just want to buy this beverage. man: you could save a dollar if you join now. it only takes a minute. dilbert: i don't want you tracking my purchases and selling my data. man: i you don't sign up, my colleagues and i will pester you to do it every time you try to buy something. dilbert: i'll take my business elsewhere! man: no. you won't. because other stores are just as bad as we are. dilbert: i am not a victim! man: tell that to the customer survey i'm about to pester you into doing.

Million Dollar Bonuses

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Million Dollar Bonuses - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, deadline, project, million-dollar, recommendation, lying, clock, weeks, spirit, bonus, mad, finished, no, laptop, coffee

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boss: if you finish by the deadline, i'll recommend you for a million dollar bonus. dilbert: you're lying. boss: i'm serious. dilbert: but you're also lying. boss: only one way to find out. dilbert: i'd need to work around the clock for weeks to meet the deadline. boss: that's the spirit! dilbert: if you're lying about the bonus, i'm going to be boiling mad. five weeks later. dilbert: it nearly killed me, but i finished by the deadline. where's my million dollar bonus. boss: i told you i'd recommend it. they said no.

Marriage Takes Work

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Marriage Takes Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, communication, marriage, talk, bigot, job, gay, homosexual, work

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dilbert: before we get married, we need to talk about a few things. first, i'm only marrying you to prove i'm not a bigot and to save my job. second, neither of us is gay. elbonian man: they say marriage takes work.

Bigoted Against Elbonian Men

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Bigoted Against Elbonian Men - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, marriage, office workers, elbonia, report, bigot, irrelevant, innocence, prove, sale, flower

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catbert: i'm getting reports that you are bigoted against elbonian men. dilbert: i'm not. catbert: that is irrelevant. there is only one way to prove your innocence. elbonian man: yes, i'll marry you. dilbert holding out flower: i thought it would be a tougher sale.