Plans Comic Strips - Page 1
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62 Results for Plans
View 1 - 10 results for plans comic strips. Discover the best "Plans" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday March 03,
2022
She Might Have Plans
Wednesday January 06,
2021
They Said You'd Say That
Tags business, office workers, government, bald, people, camps, internment camp, believe, false
Transcript
tina: i saw on the news that the government plans to round up all bald people and out them in camps. wally: you should be embarrassed for believing a story so obviously false. tina: they said you'd say that.
Thursday September 03,
2020
Boss Not Returning Messages
Tags managers & supervisors, office workers, business, boss, fire, message, importance, sarcasm, employment, face mask
Transcript
asok: our pointy-haired boss isn't returning my messages, do you think he plans to fire me? dilbert: no asok: phew! good. dilbert: you're just totally unimportant to him. asok: yes! that's where i want to be!
Tuesday February 25,
2020
Pragmatist
Tags business, plans, office workers, stupid, pragmatist, practical, implement, technology
Transcript
asok: i'm a pragmatist. i like plans that are practical. wally: not me. i like plans that can't be implemented. way less work. asok: my way sounds stupid now.
Monday January 27,
2020
Mind Reader
Tags business, plan, sabotage, mind reader, success, apology
Transcript
dilbert: i don't think your plan will work. employee: pffft. of course you don't. you are trying to sabotage me because you are jealous of my success. dilbert: you read minds as well as you make plans. employee: apology accepted.
Friday January 17,
2020
Cross Training
Tags co-workers, business, cross train, fire, job, dumb, manager
Transcript
dilbert: our pointy-haired boss told me to ask you to cross-train me on your job junctions. ted: that sounds exactly like he plans to fire me as soon as you can do my job. dilbert: in my defense, he assured me you would be too dumb to realize that.
Saturday July 13,
2019
Read It With My Own Eyes
Tags argument, communication, email, frustrated, office, office workers, plans
Transcript
Man: I disagree with your email saying the plan won't work. Dilbert: My email said exactly the opposite. I said the plan will definitely work. Man: No, I read it with my own eyes. Dilbert: I'm the one who wrote it!!!
Sunday April 14,
2019
Wally Plans His Retirement
Tags business, office, office workers, retirement, profit
Transcript
wally: the product i'm developing will be unprofitable for the first none years, but revenue will surge in the tenth. the boss: didn't you tell me you plan to retire in nine years? wally: maybe. the boss: you will be happily retired before we find out if profits really do surge in year ten. the boss: that makes everything you say sound suspicious. wally: numbers don't lie. the boss: who came up with the numbers? wally: that's all the time we have for questions.
Sunday December 02,
2018
Tags business, decision, executives, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, success, manipulation
Transcript
CEO: Profits have increased thirty percent under my leadership. Dilbert: Snort. CEO: What? Dilbert: All you do is pick the best plans from the options we show you. CEO: Exactly, and I pick the best plan every time. Dilbert: That's because we only show you the best plans compared to the worst plans we can think of. We control every decision you make by manipulating your perception of the options. CEO: We need to fix that. Dilbert: How do you fix something that isn't broken?
Friday July 06,
2018
No Plans To Reorganize
Tags reorganization, rumor, insult, logic
Transcript
Boss: There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that management is thinking about reorganizing the department. But reorganizing would obviously be a smart thing to do. Dilbert: Then why are you not considering it? Boss: This is exactly why no one likes you.


