Quality S Primary Goal Comic Strips - Page 1

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279 Results for Quality S Primary Goal

View 1 - 10 results for quality s primary goal comic strips. Discover the best "Quality S Primary Goal" comics from Dilbert.com.

Boss's Goal

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Lower The Quality

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Leadership Quality

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Leadership Quality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, fire, managers & supervisors, firing, employees, stimulating, sociopath, strong, leader, difference

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boss: i find it oddly stimulating to fire employees. does that make me a sociopath or a strong leader? catbert: i take it from your question that you think those are different things.

Focus Or Spread

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Focus Or Spread - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, focus, project, expense, business, employment, low quality, work, magic, attention, technology, sarcasm

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dilbert: do you prefer that i focus on one of my projects at the expense of all the others... or should i spread my attention across all of my projects and do low-quality work on all of them? and your answer cannot involve magic. boss: can i hear the choices again.

Helpful Advice

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Helpful Advice   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, technology, Advice, personal, life, quality, work

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co-worker: can i give you some helpful advice? dilbert: judging by the quality of your life, i'd say you probably can't. co-worker: leave my personal life out of it. dilbert: okay, let's talk about the putrid quality of your work.

Better Fast Than Good

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Better Fast Than Good - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, email, office workers, sadness, sarcasm, time, truth

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Dilbert: I got your email, but I didn't have time to include your upgrades on my analysis. It's better to be timely than right because our boss can't judge the quality of our work, but he knows when it's late. Alice: Why is it that everything true is also sad? Dilbert: That's how the truth works.

Dogbert Teaches Asok Tech Support

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Dogbert Teaches Asok Tech Support - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, train, tech support, problem, reboot, computer, problem solving, genius

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boss: dogbert, i need you to train asok to fill in for you on tech support. dogbert to asok: the goal of tech support is to convince the caller the problem is on their end. i do this by recommending increasingly difficult things for them to try. eventually they give up, watch and learn. dogbert on call: uh-huh... uh-huh... try rebooting your computer. now try it again while holding control -escape-space bar- delete for exactly 27.3 seconds. no luck? try looking at your computer's binary code to find any zeros and ones that are out of order. click dogbert: and he's gone. asok: genius!

Master Engineer

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Master Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, Promotion, master, senior, engineer, more, pay, platinum, optimism

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boss: i'm promoting you to the position of "master engineer." dilbert: i'm already senior engineer. boss: now you're a master engineer. with all the rights and responsibilities that come with it. dilbert: such as...? boss: well, for example, you can do more kinds of work. dilbert: for more pay? boss: no. no. no! you're thinking of "platinum level" engineers. you're not on of those. dilbert: that comes next?! boss: optimism is not an attractive quality.

Manufacturing In Elbonia

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Manufacturing In Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, out source, elbonia, money, government, reputation

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boss: we're moving our manufacturing operations to elbonia to save money. dilbert: are you worried about elbonian government's reputation? boss: nah. i try to stay out of the weeds. dilbert: they're building concentration camps and rounding up dissenters. they intenionally poisoned a hundred thousand people in this country. they are habitual stealers of intellectual property, and they routinely ignore agreements they have signed. and they have a well-known goal of weakening other countries so they can dominate the world. boss: why can you just admit i'm saving money?

Cause Of Unhappiness

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Cause Of Unhappiness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, happiness, office workers, research, sarcasm

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Dilbert: I did a study of what makes people unhappy. It turns out that the primary cause of unhappiness is "other people". Alice: That's dumb. Dilbert: Said the other person.