Replace Myself Comic Strips - Page 1

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262 Results for Replace Myself

View 1 - 10 results for replace myself comic strips. Discover the best "Replace Myself" comics from Dilbert.com.

Deep Fake Zoom

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Deep Fake Zoom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #video conference, #zoom, #call, #deep fake, #program, #generic, #employee, #work, #sarcasm, #cell phone, #laptop

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dilbert looking at phone on couch at home. dogbert: i thought you said you had a zoom call that would last for hours today. dilbert: i built a "deep fake" version of myself to take zoom calls and say generic employee stuff. next slide is boss in from of laptop on video call. boss: dilbert, do you have anything to add? dilbert: i don't know if i'm working hard or hardly working. har-har!

Reimagine Ted's Job

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Reimagine Ted's Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boring, #business, #job, #new, #pay, #projects, #reimagine, #technology, #compensation

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boss: ted, we need to reimagine your job. ted: i hope that means you will replace the boring parts of my job with exciting new projects. boss: it doesn't mean that. boss: does it mean doing the same work for higher pay?

Robots Will Sneak Up On Us

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Robots Will Sneak Up On Us - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argue, #business, #employees, #enginners, #managers & supervisors, #replace, #robots, #technology, #train

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boss: we aren't yet ready to replace engineers with robots, but that day will sneak up on us. so i'd like all of you to train a robot to do your jobs, just so we are ready. dilbert: you want us to train our own replacements? boss thinking: this is another thing a robot would not argue about.

No Update Needed

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No Update Needed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apathy, #assignment, #face mask, #managers & supervisors, #project, #robot, #sarcasm, #technology, #update

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asok: would you like an update on my project? boss: no, not really. i only give you the projects i don't care about. asok: i just lost my will to live. boss: that is exactly why i plan to replace you with a robot.

Virus Hellscape

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Virus Hellscape - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #diseases, #office workers, #virus, #pandemic

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Boss: Do you have ten munutes to come talk to me about the project timeline. Dilbert: Yes, but it isn't worth exposing myself to you virus-droplet hellscape. Boss: I'll just guess what you would have said. Dilbert: I think that's best.

Makeup Under Mask

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Makeup Under Mask  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #makeup, #masks, #offended, #office workers, #pandemic, #human resources

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Dilbert: Do you wear makeup under the mask where no one can see it? Or do you leave your snout area all pale and pimply? Tina: Stop imagining me unmasked. Dilbert: I'll report myself to human resources.

Loving Yourself

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Loving Yourself  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #philosophy, #self love, #evil, #ignorant, #selfish, #lazy, #love

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boss: philosophers say loving yourself is the greatest love of all. carol: do philosophers really say that? boss: all the good ones do. after years of trying, i have finally learned to love myself. carol: i'm no philosopher, but instead of learning to love yourself the way you are... wouldn't it be better if you learned how to stop being an evil, ignorant, selfish piece of garbage. boss: that sounds a lot harder. carol: in other words, you are lazy. boss: i love that about me!

Extra Dogbert Clone

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Extra Dogbert Clone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #marketing, #genius, #problem, #company, #situation, #clone, #blame

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the marketing genius dogbert: my genius alone will not be enough to fix the problems at this company. this looks like a five-dogbert situation. that is why i arranged to clone myself five times. boss: what's the extra clone for? dogbert: that one takes the blame.

Ceo Is Like Normal People

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Ceo Is Like Normal People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #office environment, #cubicle, #work, #normal, #people, #respect, #stupid

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ceo: even though i am you ceo, i work out of a cubicle just like normal people. you probably respect that. alice: no, it sounds stupid. ceo: then why am i torturing myself in that putrid cubicle? alice: see prior answer.

Vendor Not Performing

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Vendor Not Performing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #vendor, #performance, #replace, #parent, #company, #subsidiaries, #sub-contract

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dilbert: we will no longer be using you as a vendor because you have not performed. vendor employee: i already knew that because you replaced us with one of the subsidiaries of my parent company. dilbert: well, at least it isn't you. vendor employee voice on phone: who do think they sub-contract that work to?