Report Says Comic Strips - Page 1

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Report Says

View 1 - 10 results for report says comic strips. Discover the best "Report Says" comics from Dilbert.com.

Hypothetical Observer

Thank you for voting.
Hypothetical Observer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #employees, #insults, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #idiot

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Thank you for explaining to me how to do my job, for which I am highly trained and you are not. An observer might be tempted to say only an idiot would do such a thing. Boss: Is that an insult? Dilbert: Hey, don't blame me for what a hypothetical observer says.

Boss Makes Document Suggestions

Thank you for voting.
Boss Makes Document Suggestions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #employees, #frustrated, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #report, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Run this by Tina before you send it out. Dilbert: I already did. Boss: Make sure legal signs off on it. Dilbert: They did. Boss: Add the revenue graph from Alice's slide deck. Dilbert: It's in the exhibits in the back. Boss: You need to compare this plan to the "do nothing" option. Dilbert: That's on the next page. Boss: I need you to change something on this document so my life has meaning. Dilbert: I put a misspelled word on page seven for you. Boss: Fix it.

Nervous About Presentation

Thank you for voting.
Nervous About Presentation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 2019's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #managers & supervisors, #nervous, #office workers, #presentation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm nervous about the presentation I have to give to the board. Do you have any advice? Boss: Don't blow it, or else I'll fire you. Dilbert: I heard it's good to imagine the audience naked. Boss: Report yourself to H.R.

Wally Is New Pet Employee

Thank you for voting.
Wally Is New Pet Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business ethics, #criticism, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I"m looking for a new pet employee. The ideal candidate would be a brown-nosing tattler with no ethical core. Wally: That sounds like a brilliant idea, even though Dilbert says you are a moron. Boss: You got the job.

Toxic Employee Was Right

Thank you for voting.
Toxic Employee Was Right - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #employees, #fire, #managers & supervisors

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: does anyone have any suggestions for improving our company culture? dilbert: for starters, you could fire the toxic employee you hired for no good reason. boss whispers to toxic employee: you were right about dilbert being a hater. toxic employee: you should hear what he says about you.

Toxic Employee

Thank you for voting.
Toxic Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #employees

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i hired a toxic employee to keep the rest of you on your toes. if you utter one wrong word, this thing will report you to human resources. dilbert: what gender is it? toxic employee: stop hitting on me.

Centers Of Excellence

Thank you for voting.
Centers Of Excellence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 04, 2019's comic on:


Tags #lie, #managers & supervisors, #office, #excellence

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: make a slide deck that says our "centers of excellence" are creating more excellence. dilbert: do we have any data to support that claim? the boss: no. dilbert: you want me to lie? the boss: is that suddenly too much to ask.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #email, #office workers, #project manager, #office, #liar, #photoshop

View Transcript

Transcript

office worker: why are you telling everyone my project got canceled? dilbert: i never said anything like that. office worker: you're such a liar. i saw your email to ted. dilbert: if i show you that email right now, and it says nothing about your project... will you admit you were wrong and humbly apologize to me? office worker: i don't think i can commit to that. dilbert: well, anyway, here it is, and you can plainly see you were wrong. office worker: this looks photo-shopped. dilbert: i don't see a winning path for me here.

New Feature Added

Thank you for voting.
New Feature Added - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #marketing, #office, #office workers, #time travel

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i need you to add a feature to our product because our marketing campaign says we already have it. dilbert: no problem. what's the feature? the boss: time travel. the boss: how long will it take to add that feature? dilbert: if i'm successful, i'll have it done by last week.

Chemtrails

Thank you for voting.
Chemtrails - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #chemtrails, #deadline

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: why didn't you get your report in on time? wally: do you believe chemtrails are real? the boss: of course i do. wally: the chemtrails slowed me down. the boss: okay, that sounds right.