Report To Alice Comic Strips - Page 1
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alice on video call. alice: please stop leaning into the camera while chewing the end of your pen. it makes me want to drive to your house and shove that pen up your nose. male office worker: but you won't do that, right? alice: what's your address?
catbert: i'm getting reports that you are bigoted against elbonian men. dilbert: i'm not. catbert: that is irrelevant. there is only one way to prove your innocence. elbonian man: yes, i'll marry you. dilbert holding out flower: i thought it would be a tougher sale.
dilbert and ceo on video call. dilbert: it isn't fair that alice gets all the best projects. boss: and what's your point? dilbert: it's not fair. boss: you already said that. dilbert: you should do something to make it more fair. boss: why? dilbert: because it's not fair? boss: did you bump your head?
boss and alice on video call. boss: how did your zoom call with the client work out? alice: i lost all respect for him after seeing his poorly staged bookshelves in the background. but we'll still take his money, right? alice: yes, he doesn't deserve to keep any of it.
tina: dilbert is always interrupting me because i'm a woman. how do you deal with it when he interrupts you? alice: he doesn't interrupt me. tina: that makes no sense. he interrupts me because i'm a woman, and you're a woman...so... alice: maybe he doesn't interrupt me because i make sense when i talk. whereas you're more of a babbling nincompoop and a notorious ruiner of meetings. tina: well, i certainly don't know where you... alice: let's head back now. tina: you interrupted me! alice: try to spot the pattern.
alice: can you adjust your camera so i'm not looking up your nose? okay, now can you adjust your lighting so you don't look like a lightbulb with a beard? voice from laptop: how's my audio? alice: it's as good as your ideas.
Alice on video call. voice from laptop: i can't hear you. Alice: well, i'm an engineer, and you're in sales, so that narrows it down to some dumb thing you're doing. voice from laptop yelling: i...can't...hear...you... alice: this is going to be a long meeting.
alice: you did a great job on your project ted. ted: thank you. alice: you are most welcome. ted: wait. why do i have a sense of dread and foreboding? it isn't like you to give out generous compliments. this feels like a trap. you're lulling me into a false sense of security. you plan to sabotage my career to make yourself look better by comparison. ted yelling: you monster! boss: what's this all about? alice thinking: that worked out.
alice: i'm too hungry to make good decisions. i need a break so i can eat a snack. boss: how do you know your decisions are bad? alice: i'm starting to agree with you. boss: i don't understand. alice is gone: exactly