Researching Every State Comic Strips - Page 1
469 Results for Researching Every State
View 1 - 10 results for researching every state comic strips. Discover the best "Researching Every State" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share May 09, 2019's comic on:
the boss: why do i hear a keyboard tapping every time i'm talking? click, click, click. alice: i have to multi-task when you talk, just to stay awake. the boss: please stop doing that. alice: okay... - zzzzzz-zzzzzz-zzz...
Share May 05, 2019's comic on:
alice: i need a new chair. mine is broken. the boss: you can use my old chair. i just got a new one. alice: the chair you sat in every day for the past twelve years? alice: by now that chair cushion is home to a thriving colony of your cooties. alice: that chair will be off--gassing you for decades. alice: i wouldn't touch that thing unless i were wearing a hazmat suit over my other hazmat suit. alice: i'm breaking into a flop sweat just thinking about it, and i think it's triggering my allergies. the boss: would you like to borrow my hand-kerchief? alice is visually in a daze.
Share May 02, 2019's comic on:
Share April 09, 2019's comic on:
the boss around a conference table: let's do a post-mortem on our failed project to see what we did wrong. dilbert: we allowed idiots to make decisions. the boss: you say that every time. dilbert: i haven't been wrong yet.
Share March 11, 2019's comic on:
Dilbert: Our new headphones product is better than the competition in every way. Boss: Excellent. I'll get marketing involved to tell a bunch of lies about all of that. Dilbert: Why would they need to lie? Boss: They're kind of set in their ways.
Share March 10, 2019's comic on:
Boss: We won a government contract to measure ocean temperatures. Dilbert: Which part of the ocean? Boss: The whole ocean. Dilbert: We can't put sensors everywhere in the ocean. It's too big. Boss: We can measure a bunch of places and estimate the rest. Dilbert: So...you want me to measure 1% of the ocean's temperature and estimate the other 99%? I don't know how to do that. Boss: Try using math. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be cheaper to measure nothing and just estimate the whole thing? Boss: Every now and then you come up with a great idea.
Share February 18, 2019's comic on:
Alice: Do me a favor and never put me on a project with people over the age of forty. They waste the first fifteen minutes of every meeting talking about their health problems. Boss: Did you say something? I can't hear you over my tinnitus.
Share February 11, 2019's comic on:
Boss: Dilbert, I want you to invent a device that can scrub 100% of the CO2 out of the air. Dilbert: 100%??? That would kill every plant in the world. Do you know what that would mean for humans? Boss: Does the answer involve salad?
Share February 01, 2019's comic on:
Tina: How reliable are your ten-year financial projections? Dilbert: They are as reliable as all other ten-year financial predictions. Tina: Okay, good. Dilbert: Why do I feel guilty every time I talk at work?
Share January 27, 2019's comic on:
Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't accomplish anything this year. Dilbert: Are you insane? I completely redesigned our line of products!!! Boss: That was mostly last year. Dilbert: You didn't give me a raise last year because I wasn't finished until January of this year. Now you aren't giving me a raise this year because I did most of the work last year. Give me one reason I shouldn't quit right now! Boss: Because every other company is just as bad. And you don't like change. Dilbert: I said one reason!