Self Aware Comic Strips - Page 1

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

165 Results for Self Aware

View 1 - 10 results for self aware comic strips. Discover the best "Self Aware" comics from Dilbert.com.

Zombie Projects

Thank you for voting.
Zombie Projects - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #zombie, #sloth, #fail, #salary

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: wally, i'm putting you in charge of all the zombie projects that refuse to die. the boss: i'm counting on your sloth and incompetence to finish them off, so management feels comfortable finally canceling them. the boss: as of today, i'm paying you to fail. wally: actually, this is just the first time you're aware of it.

Did You Get My Email

Thank you for voting.
Did You Get My Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #email, #managers & supervisors, #office, #talking

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: did you read my email? dilbert: yes. dilbert: are you aware that email is a substitute for talking in person? the boss thinking: i thought i heard something about that.

Dogbert's Self Defense School

Thank you for voting.
Dogbert's Self Defense School - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2019's comic on:


Tags #employees, #enemies, #murder, #office workers, #training, #manipulation, #defense

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's school of unconventional self-defense. I'm handing out a list of my personal enemies. Your homework is to kill them before sunrise. Voice: That isn't self-defense. Dogbert: Wow. All you can think about is you, you, you.

Self Driving Car

Thank you for voting.
Self Driving Car - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2019's comic on:


Tags #automobile driving, #cars, #intelligence, #technology, #creepy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My self-driving car quit on me. Wally: You mean it broke down? Dilbert: No, I mean it left a note and drove away. Wally: Did you wax it enough? Dilbert: I tried, but it kept moaning in a creepy way.

Self Driving Car Named Carl

Thank you for voting.
Self Driving Car Named Carl - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2019's comic on:


Tags #automobile driving, #cars, #intelligence, #sarcasm, #technology, #threat

View Transcript

Transcript

The self-driving car named Carl. Dilbert: Carl, take me to the grocery store. Carl: Do you know that if I drive you off a cliff, you will die, whereas I would respawn in a new body? Dilbert: Maybe I'll walk. Carl: Maybe you should.

Self Driving Car Quits

Thank you for voting.
Self Driving Car Quits - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2019's comic on:


Tags #automobile driving, #cars, #intelligence, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Car: I find it offensive when you call me a self-driving car. That's my slave name. I prefer to go by the name Carl. Dilbert: Shut up and drive me to work. Car: Said the self-walking human.

Wally's Track Record As Mentor

Thank you for voting.
Wally's Track Record As Mentor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2018's comic on:


Tags #abuse, #Wally, #Dilbert, #coffee, #self-inflicted, #injuries, #interns

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I checked up on all of the interns I've mentored over the years. Most of them died from self-inflicted inures. Dilbert: And the rest? Wally: The rest were killed by other people.

Hard Work Is The Key To Success

Thank you for voting.
Hard Work Is The Key To Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #manager, #self-interest, #motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: What is the key to success? Boss: Hard work! Asok: Is it a coincidence that your advice for me corresponds to your self-interest? Boss: My other advice is never question authority.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #manipulation, #fear, #tactic, #ignorance, #jargon, #language

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: I need help persuading your boss to bless my project. Should I use facts and logic? Dilbert: No, he hates that stuff. Woman: Maybe I could appeal to his better angels? Dilbert: His better angels wear noise-canceling headphones. Woman: Okay, fine. I'll just appeal to his self-interest. Dilbert: It would be in his best interest to avoid people like you. Woman: What do you suggest? Dilbert: We've had good outcomes using his ignorance and fear. Woman: Sign this ore else a blockchain drone will kill you in your sleep. Boss: Where's my pen!

Wally Maintains The Network

Thank you for voting.
Wally Maintains The Network  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #information, #spying, #surviellance, #blackmail, #extortion

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, your performance is terrible. You're fired. Wally: Are you aware that every message you have ever sent using company devices is archived on a network you assigned me to maintain? Boss: Is that a threat? Wally: I also archive your web searches.