Smartest Human Alive Comic Strips - Page 1

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

393 Results for Smartest Human Alive

View 1 - 10 results for smartest human alive comic strips. Discover the best "Smartest Human Alive" comics from Dilbert.com.

Sunday Birthing Human

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

I'm Not A Racist

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
I'm Not A Racist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #racism, #racist, #woke, #demands, #sacrifice, #spare, #proof

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: there's a mob of woke people surrounding our building. they demand a human sacrifice. boss: fetch the spare racist i hired for that purpose. male co-worker hanging from a rod outside top level of office tower: i'm not a racist! really i'm not! voice from inside the building: he can't prove that!

Racist Scapegoat

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Racist Scapegoat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business meeting, #hire, #racist, #racism, #woke gang, #human, #sacrifice, #attack, #scapegoat, #bloodlust

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i hired a racist in case the woke gangs attack us and we need a human sacrifice. coworker: what? boss: when the wokies come for us, we'll throw this guy under the bus to satisfy their bloodlust. coworker yelling: i'm not a racist! boss: they won't know that.

C Level Sacrifice

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
C Level Sacrifice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #political issues, #stock market, #technology, #brand, #board, #fire, #Politics, #ruin, #human, #sacrifice, #chief technology officer, #performance, #employment

View Transcript

Transcript

catbert: the board wants to fire you for speaking out about politics and ruining our brand. ceo: ask if they'll accept a c-level human sacrifice instead. catbert: they said yes. ceo: now fire my cto and tell him it's something about his performance.

Must Register To Date

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Must Register To Date - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #love & dating, #managers & supervisors, #company policy, #human resources, #new, #dating, #register, #link, #details, #laptop

View Transcript

Transcript

boss on video call. boss: our new policy is that employees cannot date each other unless they register with human resources. this won't have much impact on my department because most of you are completely undatable. voice from laptop: ouch. boss: there's a link for details, but you won't need it.

Keyboard Conscience

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Keyboard Conscience - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #keyboard, #conscience, #human, #hello, #reconsideration, #mean, #email, #working remotely, #work, #remote, #empathy, #monster, #feelings, #jerk, #send

View Transcript

Transcript

conscience voice coming from dilbert's keyboard. keyboard: hello, human. i'm your keyboard's conscience. you should reconsider sending such a mean email. working remotely has caused you to devolve into an empathy-free monster who cares nothing for the feelings of other. dilbert typing: send keyboard: now you're just being a jerk.

Shelves Are Ugly

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Shelves Are Ugly - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #video call, #background, #attractive, #shelf, #lawn mower, #gym, #human, #decency, #rude, #laptop

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert on video call. voice from laptop: what's that behind you on the shelf? can't you make your background more attractive? dilbert: if we're being that way, who cuts your hair? your lawn mower? voice from laptop: did your gym go out of business? dilbert: i already miss our last shred of human decency.

Catbert Keyboard Audit

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Catbert Keyboard Audit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #human resources, #keyboard, #audit, #remote, #workers, #silly, #laptop

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert at laptop. catbert: human resources is doing keyboard audits on all remote workers. catbert: looks like you have a keyboard right there. catbert laying on keyboard: mmm-mmm! dilbert: will this take long?

Pandemic Vacation Days

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Pandemic Vacation Days - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #company policy, #video conference, #vacation day, #vacation, #company rule, #pandemic, #go, #solve, #problem, #laptop

View Transcript

Transcript

boss and dilbert on video conference call. boss: human resources is on my back to make sure everyone uses their vacation days this year. it's a company rule. dilbert: what's the point of a vacation if we can't go anywhere because of the pandemic? boss: i'm only trying to solve my own problem here.

Not The Smartest

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Not The Smartest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #engineers, #smart, #iterate, #technology, #leadership, #incompetence, #excellence, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: we might not have the smartest engineers, but we can iterate faster than anyone. dilbert: actually, we do have the smartest engineers, but your leadership incompetence cancels out our excellence. dilbert: and i'll bet you don't know what "iterate" means. boss: i didn't think it would matter.