Software Engineer Comic Strips - Page 1

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

528 Results for Software Engineer

View 1 - 10 results for software engineer comic strips. Discover the best "Software Engineer" comics from Dilbert.com.

Simulation Nonsense

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Simulation Nonsense - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #computer, #computer software, #days, #fast, #nonsense, #ruin, #simulation, #technology, #upgrade, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

tina: it feels as if the days are going by faster lately. dilbert: that's because we're a computer simulation that just got a software upgrade. tina: there's really nothing you can't ruin with that nonsense, is there? dilbert: i hear that a lot.

Keyboard Upgrades

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Keyboard Upgrades  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #keyboard, #design, #keys, #better, #hard, #software, #upgrades

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i have an idea for a keyboard design that we upgrade every six months by rearranging where the keys are. boss: why would we do that? dilbert: to make it better. boss: that would only make it harder to use. dilbert: exactly like our software upgrades. what's your point?

Audit Blackmail

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Audit Blackmail - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #business, #audit, #software, #blackmail, #free, #network, #money, #dollars

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: my audit of your company has uncovered a number of software vulnerabilities. for example, a blackmailer could take control of your network and make you pay a billion dollars to get it back. ceo: good work. what do we owe you? dogbert: the audit is free. i only did it to find ways to blackmail you.

Real Men Multitask

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Real Men Multitask  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #software, #software design, #concentrate, #multitask, #distraction, #kill, #error

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: do you ever think about the fact that one small error in your software design could kill hundreds of people? all it would take is some kind of distraction while you are trying to concentrate. dilbert: are you done? boss: a real man could multitask in this situation.

Code Reuse

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Code Reuse - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #code, #reality, #reuse, #simulation, #software, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert talking to dilbert: well, i knew this would happen sooner or later. you're an example of code reuse, which proves this reality is a software simulation. dilbert: technically, that's not a "proof." dilbert: hello, me!

Lover Not A Fighter

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Lover Not A Fighter - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #software, #price, #lover, #fighter, #report, #human resources, #bully, #sexual discrimination

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i'd fight with you on the price of this software, but i'm more of a lover than a fighter. female software vendor: are you hitting on me? you'd better buy my software now, or i'll report you to your own human resources. dilbert: okay. okay. i'll do anything you want. female software vendor: wow. you were right when you said you're not a fighter.

Artificial Dumbness

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Artificial Dumbness  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #cell phone, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #software, #invention, #artificial, #dumb, #human, #face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: my new software invention is called "artificial dumbness." it acts dumb so humans will think they are talking to one of their own. boss: that couldn't possibly work. dilbert's phone echos: that couldn't possibly work.

Can't Let It Go

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Can't Let It Go  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #face mask, #let it go, #office workers, #software, #technology, #test

View Transcript

Transcript

co-worker: i thought you said we would be testing the software by today. dilbert: nope. i never said anything remotely like that. co-worker: i can't let this go. dilbert: i didn't think you could.

Need Boss To Make Decision

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Need Boss To Make Decision - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #boss, #decision, #engineering, #knowledge, #marketing, #office workers, #sarcasm, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We need your help making a decision. Jeff doesn't understand my product strategy because he isn't an engineer. And I don't understand any of his marketing nonsense. That's why we came to you. Boss: Because I understand both marketing and engineering? Dilbert: No, it's because you don't understand either one. We didn't have a coin to flip, and your decisions are totally random, so... Boss: Maybe you could describe the situation. Dilbert: I don't see how that helps.

Should Have Done It Sooner

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Should Have Done It Sooner - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #dollars, #failure, #managers & supervisors, #patch, #payroll, #problem, #raise, #savings, #software, #technology, #years

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i wrote a software patch that will save three million dollars per year. i feel as if i deserve a bonus or a raise. boss: when did you do it? dilbert: this week. boss: how long did we have the problem? dilbert: five years. boss: then you should have fixed it five years ago. looks like a gigantic failure to me. you should be ashamed of yourself. in another room catbert: did you try my strategy for keeping payroll expenses low? boss: works like magic.