Statue Of Liberty Comic Strips - Page 1
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25 Results for Statue Of Liberty
View 1 - 10 results for statue of liberty comic strips. Discover the best "Statue Of Liberty" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday September 22,
2018
New Statue In The Lobby
Tags Dilbert, alice, the boss, criminal, tech support, darned, good, report
Transcript
The Boss: Where's the career criminal I hired to do tech support? He was last seen talking to you. Alice: Rumor has it that someone murdered him, covered him in with-out and tried to pass him off as a statue in the lobby. Dilbert: I would report this if it did't look so darned good here.
Tuesday January 07,
2014
Tags ironic, irony, statue crushed guard, too soon, word invention, iron sculpture, crushed security guard
Transcript
Dilbert: The iron sculpture in our lobby fell off its base and crushed a security guard. CEO: And that's where we get the word "ironic." Dilbert: It happened ten minutes ago. CEO: Oh, so it's "too soon?"
Wednesday October 24,
2012
Tags death & dying, death certificate, staple on head, no return messages
Transcript
Alice: You haven't returned any of my messages, so I took the liberty of making a death certificate for you. I'll just staple it to the back of your head so everyone can see it. Are we good here?
Sunday August 05,
2012
Tags business ethics, work ethic, top engineers, competetors, firing, get rid of, updating resume, goes as planned, hideous disese, felt useuful, threatening employment
Transcript
Boss: Wally, I'm sending you to a conference for the world's top engineers. With any luck, one of our competitors will try to poach you. That will save me the trouble of firing you. You'll be going with five other people I want to get rid of. I took the liberty of updating your resume. If this goes as planned, you'll destroy one of our competitors from within. Like a hideous disease. Make me proud! Wally: It was the first time I ever felt useful. I didn't like it.
Monday January 16,
2012
Tags apology, bald, business ethics, company lawyer, discrimination, lawyers, nearsighted, one billion, short, statue
Transcript
Lawyer: I've been asked to settle your claim of discrimination against the company. Your complaint is that they discriminate against you for being short, bald, and nearsighted. I might have a conflict of interest, but my final offer is one billion dollars. Wally: Plus a statue and an apology. Company lawyer.
Saturday May 14,
2011
Tags death & dying, estate plan, inherit stuff, option, powerful incentive, saving & investment, wills, money
Transcript
Dogbert: I took the liberty of updating your estate plan. Dilbert: This gives you a powerful incentive to kill me so you can inherit my stuff. Dogbert: If it makes you feel any better, that option has always been on the table.
Sunday March 20,
2011
Tags laziness, meetings, buddha jogging, reliability stats, data does not exist, random numbers, deep understanding of reality
Transcript
The Boss says, "Asok, get me the reliability stats for our previous model." Asok says, "I am fairly certain the data does not exist." The Boss says, "Wally can show you how to get it." Wally says, "Come with me." Wally says, "You start by typing random numbers into a spreadsheet." Asok says,"Then what?" Wally says, "Then you're done." Wally says, "All business data is intentionally misleading. I just take it to the next level." Wally says, "A deep understanding of reality is exactly the same thing as laziness." Asok says, "That can't be right." Wally says, "Have you ever seen a statue of Buddha jogging?"
Sunday March 06,
2011
Tags honesty, managers & supervisors, proactive, send email, bad time management, creating illuson, sarcasm, crazy boss, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "You need to be more proactive." Dilbert says, "I can only appear to be proactive if you stop telling me to do things I've already planned." The Boss says, "How am I supposed to know what you plan to do every minute?" Dilbert says, "I could send you an e-mail every time I have a thought." The Boss says, "I don't have time for that!" Dilbert says, "Apparently your bad time management is creating the illusion that I'm not proactive." Dilbert says, "I'll take the liberty of signing you up for a time management class." The Boss says, "Don't do that!" Dilbert says, "So...I should not be proactive?" The Boss says, "Just do what I want before I know I want it." Dilbert says, "I hope the next thing you want is sarcasm."
Sunday October 17,
2010
Tags elbonia, bribe, monkey god, oobanoobah, minister of mud, steal, office
Transcript
The Boss says, "We'll lose the Elbonian Project unless we give their minister of mud some? incentive." Wally says, "You mean a bribe?" The Boss says, "No. A bribe would be illegal." The Boss says, "Take a bag of gold to Elbonia and leave it by the statue of the monkey god, Oobanoobah." The Boss says, "If Oobanoobah does not accept your offering, by Elbonian law it becomes unclaimed property." The Boss says, "Take the gold to the unclaimed property desk at the ministry of mud." The Boss says, "Ring the bell and ask for the minister of mud. Give him the unclaimed property and a copy of our bid." Wally says, "What if the monkey god accepts the gold and I'm the only witness?" The Boss says, "What?" Wally says, "How much monkey god gold are we talking?"
Thursday July 29,
2010
Tags public relations, statue of liberty, destroy, new york harbor, weapon demo, remorse, fake, glasses, fake tears, water, flood
Transcript
Dogbert the public relations consultant Dogbert says, "The public won't forgive you until you fake some remorse." Dogbert says, "These glasses have a hose that leads to a pumping station and a huge reservoir of fake tears." CEO says, "If we have another press conference, we should crack open a window."

