Taken Training Comic Strips - Page 1
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in board room. boss: industry trends just turned our way by total luck. we have to act fast! i need to implement some kind of change so it looks as if i caused the increase in profits that will happen anyway. does anyone have any ideas? dilbert: no, because we're already perfectly situated to take advantage of the trend. boss upset: that doesn't help me! i can't take credit for our future profits unless i do something i can say made a difference. dilbert: maybe you could implement some sort of bogus company culture training program. one week later. dogbert presenting on a stage: it's important to realize you're all idiots.
boss to tina: i'm planning to increase the budget for training by fifty percent next year. tina to dilbert: he didn't say anything about the other budgets. dilbert to wally: he didn't say anything about the budget for research and development. wally to alice: sounds like he's phasing out research and development. alice to asok: he wouldn't phase out research and development unless he knows the company is failing. asok to carol: the company must be going bankrupt. carol to boss: the company is bankrupt. boss thinking: i guess i don't need to increase the training budget.
boss: dilbert, what have you accomplished since our planning meeting? dilbert: the planning meeting was this morning. all i've done since then is take a mandatory training class on stapler safety. boss: but now you're fresh and ready for the fight? dilbert: only if it's a stapler fight.
boss: my records show you completed the online training for diversity and inclusion. apparently, you did not know we can detect it when you have the sound muted during the entire course. colleague: oops. dilbert: you can do that? Boss: no, but i can trick most of you idiots into confessing.
dilbert at home on bed. wally's voice from laptop: how do you like working at home all the time now? dilbert: i was delighted to discover that a crushing sense of loneliness is better than spending time with my co-workers. wally: no offense taken. dilbert: and don't get me started about the splendor of the mute button.
wally: that slide deck in yesterday's meeting was lethally boring. luckily, all of my training kicked in. dilbert: and that training taught you to...? wally: go to the bathroom and never return.
asok: i've noticed that the more experience i gain, the more cynical and jaded i become. am i doomed to become a golem-like creature with a bad attitude if i work here long enough? no offense. Wally: none taken.
Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's corporate safety training. Don't touch anything, don't move around, and don't talk to anyone, ever! Thanks for coming. Dilbert: That's the whole class? Dogbert: Don't blame me for being good at summarizing.
Boss: I hear you were being sarcastic about safety. Obviously, you don't take safety seriously, so I have to send you to a safety re-education camp for a week. Dilbert: That will totally fix this problem. Boss: You just bought yourself an extra week.