Imagine Comic Strips - Page 1
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View 1 - 10 results for imagine comic strips. Discover the best "Imagine" comics from Dilbert.com.
"In this sensitivity excercise, close your eyes and imagine how it feels to be a woman." "People acknowledge my existence. They smile for no reason and hold hte door open. I'm ...I'm popular." "I can't find my keys." "I'm never going back. I can't. I won't." "My blouse falls to the floor..." "Break! Break!"
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our new slogan is 'Everybody is in sales.'" The Boss continues, "Imagine if all our employees convinced their friends to buy our product, eventually . . ." Alice asks, "We'd have no friends?" Wally asks Dilbert, "What's this 'friend' thing I keep hearing about?"
Dilbert points a video camera at Dogbert and says, "Let's see some emotion, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "I need to be in the mood." Dilbert says, "Remember when it looked like 'E.T.' died, but really he didn't?" Dogbert sniffs like he is about to cry. Dilbert says, "The neighbor's cat says you're fat." Dogbert says angrily, "The fool!" Dilbert says, "Imagine you won an academy award for 'Best Dog.'" Dogbert looks surprised and says, "Me?!!" Dilbert says, "Imagine some frozen lavatory waste from a passing jet crashes through the roof and flattens me as I film this." Dogbert falls over and laughs. Dilbert asks, "Is that sorrow? It doesn't look like sorrow." Dogbert thinks, "Oops."
Dilbert is in a meeting. His coworker's cell phone rings. The coworker says, "Excuse me while I take this call." Dilbert replies, "Okay." Just as the coworker is about the answer his phone, Dilbert says, "Excuse me while I hate your inconsiderate guts." The coworker turns away annoyed and says into his phone, "No, nothing important." Dilbert continues, "Excuse me while I imagine crushing your head."
Dilbert says, "Our graphics department is too busy to help me and won't approve outside services." Dilbert says, "They're forcing me to fail so they can justify a bigger budget next year." Dilbert says, "If you need me, I'll be in my cubicle trying to imagine what futility doesn't feel like."
Asok: Do you have any tips for my presentation to the CEO? Boss: When you are presenting, imagine you are naked and everyone is laughing at you. Asok: Why? Boss: It's just something I read. I might have the details wrong.
Dogbert, the meeting referee. Man: Your plan is terrible. Dilbert: Compared to what? Man: Compared to the plan I imagine could exist, but doesn't. Duh. Dogbert: Penalty flag for incorrect us of "duh."
Boss: I'm getting writer's block trying to come up with your goals for the year. Dilbert: Just write anything. We both know I'll ignore the goals and work on whatever you assign to me. Boss: How will I know if you do a good job if you don't have goals? Dilbert: Same way as always. You'll compare your lack of knowledge about what I did to the goals you imagine you might have created if you could have seen the future. Then you'll give me an average raise just like everyone else who didn't invent nuclear fusion. Boss: Works for me. Dilbert: It's better to not overthink these things.
Dilbert shows Dogbert a newspaper advertisement and says, "Imagine my surprise when I saw this ad for Doctor Dilbert's seminar on developing self-confidence. Okay, what's the scam?" Dogbert explains, "I figured this would be a good way to find a bunch of meek people to do my bidding. If they refuse, I'll yell at them and hurt their little feelings." Dogbert continues, "Then I'll leverage that power into vast wealth or maybe world domination." Dilbert says, "No! Bad doggy!"
Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors under a tree. Dogbert says, "If a man eats a pound of pasta and a pound of antipasto . . ." Dogbert continues, ". . . Would they cancel each other out, leaving the man still hungry?" Dilbert says, "I can't imagine Socrates and Plato debating that question." Dogbert asks, "Too hard, huh?"