Make Goal Comic Strips - Page 1

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Make Goal

View 1 - 10 results for make goal comic strips. Discover the best "Make Goal" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 1994's comic on:

Tags #ball, #bonk, #Dilbert, #head bounce, #make goal, #soccer game, #strike, #uses head bonk

View Transcript

Transcript

BONK Dilbert: Gee, Ive scored five goals that way. Liz: you've got a good head for this game.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 2003's comic on:

Tags #project manager, #direct natural talent, #energy, #common goal, #agenda, #copies of agenda, #health

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: "I've never been a project manager before." "I understand I'm supposed to direct your natural talents and energies toward a common goal." Wally: "Carol, did you make copies of the agenda?" Carol: "No, it sounded hard."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 25, 2011's comic on:

Tags #deception, #managers & supervisors, #learn from mistakes, #make alits, #wrong this year, #coincidence, #perfromance reviews, #management legends, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "We can learn from our mistakes. Let's make a list of the things that each of you did wrong this year." Dilbert says, "It is just a coincidence that our annual performance reviews are due next week?" The Boss says, "It would have been the stuff of management legends." Catbert says, "Very nice try."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2011's comic on:

Tags #actions & defenses, #computers & peripherals, #internet & world wide web, #international data security standards group, #security prcedures, #bed sores

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Dogbert is chairing the international data security standards group. Dogbert: The goal of our organizations is to make your security procedures so inconvenient that you give up hope and die from bed sores. We take pride in being independent from the companies that fund us.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 06, 2011's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #clubs, #meetings, #society for the preservation of evil ideas, #file patents, #sue for infringement, #embezzle, #Entertainment

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Welcome to the monthly meeting of "The Society for the Preservation of Evil Ideas." Our goal for the coming year is to convince companies to file absurdly broad patents and sue each other for infringing. CIO: How do we make money from that? Dogbert: Beats me. I'm just here to embezzle your dues.

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 2011's comic on:

Tags #anger, #thinking, #ignorant, #backstabbing, #die, #make changes

View Transcript

Transcript

Customer meeting Boss: If I may correct what Dilbert just said, I'm sure it would be easy to make those changes. Dilbert: You ignorant, backstabbing son of a beach ball. Boss: Are you saying something inside your head? Dilbert: No. Die.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 2011's comic on:

Tags #keep brain out, #laziness, #long and complicated, #technical recommendation, #thinking, #make decision

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Did you read my technical recommendation? Boss: No. It's too long and complicated. Dilbert: How do you plan to make a decision without reading it? Boss: I'll use my gut. Dilbert: It's probably a good idea to keep your brain out of this. Boss: Quiet! It's saying something. Noise: GROWL.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2011's comic on:

Tags #engineers, #inventions, #bend light, #around obkject, #cloak of invisibility, #make billions, #selling to military, #tricked, #ploy, #sneaky, #empty looking chair

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I discovered a way to bend light around an object to form a cloak of invisibility. We'll make billions selling it to the military. I'll be testing it over the next several months. You'll know it's working if you never see me in the office. During that time, don't sit in any empty-looking chairs unless you first shout my name and clap. WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?! Boss: What? I don't see anything. Wally; How do you like it so far?

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2012's comic on:

Tags #frustration, #tech support, #ticket window, #evaluated, #how helpful, #trouble tickets, #stubborness, #obsticle, #financial success, #disconnected, #new stranger, #hating

View Transcript

Transcript

Tech Support: Hello, this is tech support. May I close your ticket now? Dilbert: Um... no. You haven't helped me yet. I just called you. Tech Support: I'm not evaluated on how helpful I am. I'm evaluated on how many trouble tickets I close. Your stubbornness is becoming an obstacle to my financial success. By the way, if our call gets disconnected, I count that as a closed ticket. Dilbert: I'll make it quick. Tech Support: What? What? I can't hear you. Dilbert: Son of a beach ball! On the plus side, my goal of hating one new stranger every day is right on track.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 2012's comic on:

Tags #collaboration tools, #human contact, #internet & world wide web, #judegment, #long term goal, #meetings, #suite of tools

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I'm designing a suite of internet collaboration tools. It's part of my long-term goal to eliminate all forms of direct human contact. Co-worker: That's messed up. Wally: You're exactly what I'm trying to avoid.