New Plan Comic Strips - Page 1
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1000 Results for New Plan
View 1 - 10 results for new plan comic strips. Discover the best "New Plan" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday June 08,
2000
Tags #boss, #edfred, #freak, #new hire, #new plan, #trust, #two faced employee, #two headed
Transcript
EDFRED: Hi, Im Edfred the two faced employee. If you tell your boss his new plan is stupid I'll back you up. Dilbert: Really? I don't like the looks of this.
Tuesday December 08,
2009
Tags #technology, #changing, #competition, #submitting, #management, #delays
Transcript
The Boss says, "After eight months, senior management finally approved your project plan." Dilbert says, "It's too late. All of the technology has changed and our competitors have leapfrogged us." The Boss says, "Maybe you could write a new plan." Dilbert says, "Or we could get the same result by resubmitting this one."
Tuesday November 17,
2015
Give Up On Making Them Happy
Tags #happiness, #deception, #perspective, #work, #office, #marriage, #psychology, #relationships
Transcript
Boss: I'm giving up on trying to keep them happy. My new plan is to tell them things are worse everywhere else. Catbert: Will that work? Boss: It worked on my wife.
Sunday June 03,
2012
Tags #laziness, #office workers, #encouragement, #career plans, #misjudge, #5 year plan, #legacy sytems, #retirement, #projects, #protect heart, #plenty of naps, #quality of work, #pension fund, #new career plan
Transcript
Catbert: Wally, you can't float through life with no goals and no ambition. Wally: You misjudge me. I have my entire career planned out. My five-year plan is to avoid any sort of work in which my individual accomplishments can be measured. I'll hoard knowledge about one of our legacy systems so I seem indispensable. When I get to within four years of retirement, I'll only work on projects that have a five-year payback. I'll protect my cardiovascular system by getting plenty of naps and not caring about the quality of my work. Then I'll stick a straw in our pension fund and suck on it for the next forty years. Boss: Did you get him straightened out? Catbert: No, but I got a new career plan for myself.
Monday April 12,
1999
Tags #new bonus plan, #peak perfromance, #bonus, #goods mine, #car won't start
Transcript
The boss, Asok, Dilbert and wally sit at a conference table. The boss says, "Introducing the new bonus plan." ASok raises his hand and says, "Yes!!! I'm already working at peak performance, so that bonus is as good as mine!" Phil appears behind asok and says, "Asok, Mr. Reality wanted to visit you, but his car won't start. I'm Phil."
Tuesday June 29,
2004
Sunday March 14,
1999
Tags #dogcart wrecking company, #special, #srushing, #new car, #parking lot, #cost, #monthly plan, #free model of car, #crush little one, #crush boss car
Transcript
Dogbert stands on Wally's desk, wearing a hardhat. Dogbert says, "I'm from the Dogbert Wrecking Company." Dogbert continues, "I'm running a special on crushing your boss' new car in the parking lot." Wally asks, "What does it cost?" Dogbert: "The first one is free." Dogbert adds, "If you're satisfied, I hope you'll consider my monthly plan." Wally is standing at the window with Dogbert, pointing outside. "It's the red one. He brags about it every day." The Boss is standing in front of Wally and Dilbert, holding up a model car. The Boss explains, "And when you spend that much, the dealer gives you a free model of your car!" There is a car horn heard off in the distance. Wally is slipping Dogbert a stack of bills. He adds, "And next month can you crush the little one on his desk too?"
Tuesday November 11,
2008
Tags #spam filter, #rewrote business plan, #build an army, #indestructible robots, #new org chart, #microwave
Transcript
Carol says, "Our spam filter became self-aware. It rewrote our business plan." Carol says, "It wants us to build an army of indestructible robots." Carol says, "And the new org chart is out. It looks like you report to... the microwave."
Wednesday December 19,
2007
Tags #disciuss company politics, #career monefield, #project, #new strategic direction, #upcoming reorganization, #plan to criticize, #something good happens
Transcript
The Boss: "I'm not allowed to discuss the company politics that form a career minefield around your project." "And I can't tell you the company's new strategic direction, or anything about our upcoming reorg." The boss: "My plan is to criticize you until something good happens."
Sunday September 15,
2013
Tags #frustration, #managers & supervisors, #product changes, #change orders, #new features, #online change order system, #old forms, #change order, #managemet, #better plan, #business
Transcript
Boss; Don't make any product changes without change orders. When users ask for new features, direct them to the online change order system. Dilbert: That system only has the old forms. Boss: Tell someone to put the new ones on there. Wally: That would require a change order. Dilbert: Maybe we could tell users our sense of hope was killed by something called management. The we could sort of slump over like we're waiting for death's cold embrace. Boss: I'll get back to you if I think of a better plan.