Prevent Success Comic Strips - Page 1

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195 Results for Prevent Success

View 1 - 10 results for prevent success comic strips. Discover the best "Prevent Success" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #obstinacy, #studies show, #offering customers, #problem, #prevent success, #many otions, #hinderance

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Dilbert: Studies show that offering customers too many options can prevent them from buying. Boss: Studies?? That doesn't sound like a real thing. Dilbert: I don't know what to do now. Boss: Maybe that's the problem.

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Success Is About Who You Know

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Success Is About Who You Know - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame, #blaming, #success, #who you know

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Wally: Success is all about who you know. I'm not successful, so apparently it doesn't help to know you. Dilbert: I"m sorry I let you down. Wally: It's as if you aren't even trying.

Wally's Success

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Wally's Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #track, #success, #work, #correlation, #working, #sarcasm, #unproductive

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wally: i've been tracking my successes at work relative to my efforts, and i see no correlation. so if you see me not working hard, you should assume everything is fine. boss: you've never had a success to track. wally: i was hoping you didn't know that.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #inventions, #dead end job, #developing an app, #spare time, #lottery ticket, #odds of success, #relationships

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Dilbert says, "It might look as if I'm in a dead-end job, but I'm developing an app in my spare time." Woman says, "Here's a lottery ticket. I just doubled your odds of success." Woman says, "I bought two for myself so I don't need to make an app."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #debates, #more aggressive, #blaming others, #lack of success, #keeping from work

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Wally: I've decided to become more aggressive in blaming others for my lack of success. For example, you're keeping me from working right now. Dilbert: No I'm not. Wally: I DON'T HAVE TIME TO STAND HERE AND ARGUE WITH YOU ALL DAY!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #tech support, #ticket window, #evaluated, #how helpful, #trouble tickets, #stubborness, #obsticle, #financial success, #disconnected, #new stranger, #hating

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Tech Support: Hello, this is tech support. May I close your ticket now? Dilbert: Um... no. You haven't helped me yet. I just called you. Tech Support: I'm not evaluated on how helpful I am. I'm evaluated on how many trouble tickets I close. Your stubbornness is becoming an obstacle to my financial success. By the way, if our call gets disconnected, I count that as a closed ticket. Dilbert: I'll make it quick. Tech Support: What? What? I can't hear you. Dilbert: Son of a beach ball! On the plus side, my goal of hating one new stranger every day is right on track.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #employee meeting, #wilson, #recognition, #twenty-hour, #overworked, #success

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The Boss gestures toward an employee and says to Dilbert and another man, "I'd like to recognize Wilson for working twenty-hour days and making the project a success." The man says, "Thanks, but I'm not Wilson. He quit months ago." The Boss says, "Oh . . ." The Boss walks away thinking, "I've got to sop calling this the employee recognition program."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #healing, #dollars, #psychic, #power, #prevent, #millions, #pimples, #neighbor

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On his television program, Dogbert stands in front of a curtain and holds a microphone. Dogbert says, "Welcome to my show, 'Healing for Dollars.'" Dogbert continues, "Today I will use my psychic healing power to prevent millions of people from getting pimples on their tongues." A man and a woman sit on a couch sticking their tongues out. As they watch their tongues, the woman says, "Ith working! Get the theckbook!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #unmarried, #Men, #commit, #ninety, #percent, #violent, #acts, #jailed, #advance, #prevent, #atrocities, #media, #sensation, #provocative, #write, #whole, #book, #gifted

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Dogbert stands on a desk chair and types, "Unmarried men commit ninety percent of all violent acts. They should all be jailed in advance to prevent further atrocities." Dogbert continues typing, "And I should become a media sensation for suggesting such a provocative thing. The end." Dilbert thinks, "It's hard to write a whole book when you're as gifted as I am at getting to the point."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #pants, #twelve-inch, #waist, #inches, #secret, #retail, #success, #merchandise, #shop, #harder, #retail store

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Dilbert asks a salesclerk in a clothing store, "Excuse me, do you have any pants that AREN'T a twelve-inch waist and fifty inches long?" Dilbert holds up a pair of tiny pants and says, "I ask because there are no human beings who could wear these pants, and one of the secrets of retail success is to stock merchandise that somebody might want." Dilbert continues, "Then people would shop here and actually BUY things." The clerk replies, "Wow, that's way harder than what we do."