Project Caribou Comic Strips - Page 1
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Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Give me a final design for Project Caribou by Tuesday." Dilbert replies, "That's Wally's project." The Boss says, "I know, but I'm thinking about it now and Wally isn't in the room." The Boss says, "Tell Wally it's your project now." Dilbert says, "Do you see this thimble? I keep my morale in it."
The Boss: "Our project is six months behind schedule." "Meanwhile, our technology has become obsolete and the users' requirements have changed." "Any suggestions?" Dilbert: "Let's stubbornly plod along and deliver the useless product that was originally requested." Wally: "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" "We should restart every time something changes. That way we'll never be held accountable for results!" Alice: "You losers can work it out alone. I heard there's a job opening on project Caribou." The Boss: "Next on the agenda: our weekly team-building excercise." "
"We need more staff for prject Cribou.' "No. You're thinking of project Caribbean." "Caribou is like project muskrat but with lower P.R.O.R.C." "P.R.O.R.C?" "Projected return on research capital." "Is muskrat the enterprise software project?" "Um... No... That would be project muskrat." "Cancel project musk ox, move the staff over to project zebra, delay panda and sdquirrel and give me a status report on probosics monkey." "We don't have any projects with those names." "How's that my fault?"
Boss: Wally, I need you to head up our artificial intelligence project. You will have no budget and no hope of success. I just like saying we're working on AI. And you're completely useless, so it's a good match. Wally: I won't let you down.
boss: dilbert, i'm assigning you to the network redesign project. dilbert: what phase is that project in? is it in the initial stage, in which everyone is feeling positive and optimistic? or is it in the middle phase, in which everyone is finding away and hating the other team members? boss: it's in the death spiral phase. everyone is trying to assign blame to someone they already hate. they requested that i add you to the team. dilbert: to save the project? boss: um...okay, sure.
boss: dilbert, i'm putting you in charge of a project that will make or break your career. this is the big one. the rest of your life will depend on how you perform on this project. dilbert: what's my budget? boss: no budget.
boss and dilbert on video call. boss: i just talked to ted, and he says your project plan is not feasible. dilbert: i think you mean he mischaracterized my plan and then stabbed me in the back when i wasn't there to defend it. boss: he said you'd say that.
dilbert on video call. dilbert: and that's why we should put the project on hold for now. voice from laptop: hahahaha! that's exactly the opposite of what you said last week. dilbert: i sometimes change my opinions when the facts change. how do you play it? voice from laptop: now you're moving the goalposts.