Project Dealine Comic Strips - Page 1

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View 1 - 10 results for project dealine comic strips. Discover the best "Project Dealine" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dna smaple, #fatal genetic problems, #hurt productivity, #project dealine

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The Boss holds a syringe. He says to Dilbert, "Drop your trousers and turn around. I need a DNA sample." Dilbert bends over looking angry. As draws Dilbert's blood, the Boss says, "We're scanning for any fatal genetic problems that could hurt productivity." Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters holding the test results and says, "Uh . . . we decided to move your project deadline up a week." Dilbert's hair stands up straight.

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What Phase Of The Project

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What Phase Of The Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insult, #insulting, #project, #questioning

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Boss: What phase is your project in? Dilbert: This is the phase where people ask stupid questions. Boss: How long does it last? Dilbert: It isn't looking good for today.

Wally Heads Up Ai Project

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Wally Heads Up Ai Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #project, #fake

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Boss: Wally, I need you to head up our artificial intelligence project. You will have no budget and no hope of success. I just like saying we're working on AI. And you're completely useless, so it's a good match. Wally: I won't let you down.

Project Update

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Project Update - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #project, #update, #plan, #read, #imaginary

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boss: did you send me your project update? dilbert: were you planning to read it? boss: no dilbert: then i totally sent it too you boss thinking: half of my job is imaginary

Assigning Dilbert To Project

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Assigning Dilbert To Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #network, #redesign, #project, #phase, #positive, #optimistic, #assign, #sarcasm

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boss: dilbert, i'm assigning you to the network redesign project. dilbert: what phase is that project in? is it in the initial stage, in which everyone is feeling positive and optimistic? or is it in the middle phase, in which everyone is finding away and hating the other team members? boss: it's in the death spiral phase. everyone is trying to assign blame to someone they already hate. they requested that i add you to the team. dilbert: to save the project? boss: um...okay, sure.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #administrative agencies, #project timeline, #waste one week, #set up meeting, #available in a week

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Dilbert: I estimated the project timeline by assuming that everyone involved will waste one week. Boss: That's a stupid way to do a timeline. Set up a meeting and I'll show you how it's supposed to be done. Carol: He's available in a week.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #managers & supervisors, #couldn't be worse, #bad idea, #Funny, #project is bad idea, #business

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The Boss says, "How's everything going?" Dilbert says, "It couldn't be worse." Dilbert says, "I was the only person who said this project is a bad idea. Then you assigned it to me." The Boss says, "It's funnier when I make them say it." Dilbert says, "Grrrr"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #charged project, #accountants, #arsenic based life forms, #natural enemy

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Accounting Dilbert says, "You charged my project for expenses that aren't mine." Finance Troll says, "Let me see that." Finance Troll says, "We accountants are arsenic-based life forms. That makes you my natural enemy." Dilbert says, "That is not logical." Finance Troll says, "Live long and phospher."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #laziness, #project budget, #new technology, #slow learner, #expensive

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Woman says, "You used the entire engineering portion of my project budget just learning the new technology." Wally says, "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you." Wally says, "Some say I'm a slow learner, but I like to think of myself as expensive."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quarreling, #suspicion, #work ethic, #work independantly, #boss, #preemptive strike, #project update

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Wally: I can't work for a boss who doesn't trust me to work independently! Boss: Is this a preemptive strike so I won't ask why you didn't turn in a project update? Wally: And more distrust. How do you live with yourself?