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The Boss says, "Go to human resources for a psychological evaluation." Dilbert says, "Why??? Have I said anything that is abnormal?" The Boss says, "You're an engineer. Everything you say is abnormal." Catbert says, "Question one: How many bodies are hidden in the crawl space under your house?" Dilbert says, "If they are hidden, how would I know?" Catbert says, "Well, maybe you would smell them." Dilbert says, "Not if they were wrapped in heavy plastic and sealed in concrete." Wally says, "How'd it go?" Dilbert says, "Not so good."
The Boss: Im worried about DIlberts mental health because his ideas are so bad. Asok: How did you rule out the hypothesis that his ideas are brilliant but you're too dumb to understand them? The Boss: Now Im worried about Asok's mental health too.
Wally: I'm escaping the mental prison of this job by creating apps in my mind and fantasizing about running a start-up. Gaaa!!! The start-up is too much work! The stress is killing me! Take me back to my prison! I'm back. Did I say anything embarrassing? Dilbert: It's all relative.
Dilbert swings at a ping pong ball and misses as it bounces off the ping pong table. Dilbert says, "You win, again. I sure wish I knew how you make that shot." His opponent answers, "Supernatural forces." Dilbert asks, "Really? Supernatural?" Dogbert whispers, "The mental game is SO important."
Dogbert sits on his pillow thinking, "Sometimes I think gravity is only an illusion." Dogbert thinks, "Maybe other great thinkers realized gravity is mental and were thus freed of its restrictions." Dogbert thinks, "Which could explain why all the smart people have apparently been flung into space." Dilbert enters and says, "It's time for 'Wheel of Fortune.'"
Dogbert walks down the hall humming. He thinks, "It's one of those days my brain feels lazy." Dogbert thinks, "I'd better avoid any mental stimulation." Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on his legs. Dogbert says, "It's times like this I really appreciate knowing you." Dilbert replies, "Thank you."
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dawn and Bob the Dinosaurs asks, "Uh . . . Dilbert, could we get your advice?" Bob says, "We just joined Dogbert's new cult." Dawn says, "And he ordered us to kill each other for questioning him." Dilbert says, "Hmm . . . Maybe you could just shove each other in front of trucks."
Dogbert and the Boss walk out of the Boss's office. Dogbert says, "My fee for business consulting is $200 an hour." The Boss says, "Fair enough." Dogbert says, "I'll spend the day questioning your employees to identify problem areas." Later that day, Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. Dogbert reads a document and says, "It's unanimous. They're underpaid and all the problems are your fault, 'Lard Head.'"
A comedian asks Dilbert, "Is this your first time?" Dilbert replies, "Yeah." Dilbert shakes nervously and beads of sweat fly off his forehead. The man says, "I know I'm supposed to be your competitor, but I'll share my technique of using mental imagery to relax." Dilbert says, "Thanks!" The man says, "Imagine that you're naked . . . And the audience is full of Mary Kay salespeople with camcorders . . ."
A senator at a table says into a microphone, "Mister Dogbert, the Senate Judiciary Committee will begin the questioning." The senator asks, "How would you interpret Roe versus Wade?" Dogbert replies, "They're lying. I deny everything." The senator says, "We're not accusing you . . ." Dogbert says, "Hey, I didn't bring it up!"