Return As Consultant Comic Strips - Page 1
206 Results for Return As Consultant
View 1 - 10 results for return as consultant comic strips. Discover the best "Return As Consultant" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share March 14, 2008's comic on:
Pronounced Hay-Soos The Boss: Jesus, I thought you got down-sized. Jesus: I came back. Tell the others I was downsized so I could return as a consultant and save their pensions. The Boss: I should have written that down."
Share August 29, 2016's comic on:
The Self-Serving Consultant. Dogbert: I recommend firing this guy so you have more money for me. I also recommend withholding his final check until he makes all of my PowerPoint slides for me. Man: This is messed up. Dogbert: Add some recommendations so I sound smart.
Share March 08, 2020's comic on:
boss: i hired an elbonian consultant because we couldn't afford anyone local. dilbert: have you ever consulted in this country? elbonian consultant: no, but people are people, so i assume it isn't that different from elbonia. boss: that's enough chitchat. tell us what we should do about the problems in our distribution system. elbonian system: i recommend executing one of your distributors as a warning to the others. boss: i'm going to need a second opinion. elbonian consultant: my second opinion is that your barber must hate your guts.
Share February 03, 2011's comic on:
Dilbert says, "If we build our software with no bugs, we can make a 10% return on our investment." Dilbert says, "But if we do a poor job, we can make a 40% return by selling upgrades and service." Dilbert says, "But don't worry. We only have the budget for a poor job." CEO says, "I can't remember if we're cheap or smart." Boss says, "Phew!"
Share November 02, 2011's comic on:
Boss: I hired a humor consultant to teach us how to have more fun at work. Dilbert: Does he cancel out the consultant you hired to filter our Internet access to entertainment? Wally: That was a funny comment. How'd you do that without a consultant?
Share November 05, 2011's comic on:
Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to be less confident. Dilbert: Is that because research has shown that overconfident people don't recognize their own mistakes? Boss: Now I feel like an idiot because I didn't know about those studies. Dogbert: I did him first.
Share April 11, 2012's comic on:
Boss: I hired a management consultant to teach us something he calls backwards causation. Dogbert: I studied the most successful companies. If you imitate them, you'll feel as if you have a strategy. Number one: sponsor a golf tournament so your CEO can meet celebrities. Boss: Profits, here we come.
Share July 07, 1990's comic on:
Dilbert drives his car and Dogbert sits in the passenger seat. Dogbert's ears are standing straight up. Dilbert says, ". . . And the doctor says it's all in your mind." Dilbert and Dogbert walk into the house. Dilbert continues, "Your ears will return to normal when you forgive me for scaring you yesterday." Dogbert puts a lit firecracker next to Dilbert's bed while he is sleeping. Dogbert says as he leaves the room, "Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge."
Share June 03, 1991's comic on:
Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Why should I hire you as my business consultant?" Dogbert replies, "I have credibility because I don't work for your company. No smart person would work here full-time." The Boss says, "I work here full-time." Dogbert says, "Sorry. I'll try to speak slower."
Share October 25, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "We've got to focus more on the needs of our customers." The Boss points to a man standing next to him and says, "I've hired famous business consultant Tom Peters to follow you around and make passionate criticism." Tom stands behind Dilbert while he works. Tom waves his arms as he asks, "Is this quality? Are you truly focused on the customer?" Dilbert thinks, "Great . . . He's a spitter."