Solutions Not Problems Comic Strips - Page 1
Search Filters
Year
- 2023
- 2022
- 2021
- 2020
- 2019
- 2018
- 2017
- 2016
- 2015
- 2014
- 2013
- 2012
- 2011
- 2010
- 2009
- 2008
- 2007
- 2006
- 2005
- 2004
- 2003
- 2002
- 2001
- 2000
- 1999
- 1998
- 1997
- 1996
- 1995
- 1994
- 1993
- 1992
- 1991
- 1990
- 1989
Character
205 Results for Solutions Not Problems
View 1 - 10 results for solutions not problems comic strips. Discover the best "Solutions Not Problems" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday January 29,
2020
Bring Me Solutions
Tags managers & supervisors, business, solutions, problems, worthless, sarcasm, example
Transcript
boss: i want you to bring me solutions, not problems! dilbert: that's a funny way to call yourself worthless. boss: i do plenty around here! boss: but in the interest of time, i will not list any examples.
Wednesday November 26,
2014
I Need Solutions Not Unexpected Problems
Tags authority, convincing, managers, managers & supervisors, launch deadline, solutions, unexpected problems, business
Transcript
Boss: Are you going to meet the launch deadline? Dilbert: No. There were unexpected problems. Boss: I need solutions, not unexpected problems! Did that mean anything? Dilbert: Almost. Good try.
Saturday November 03,
2007
Tags problems, solutions, won't work, moron
Transcript
The Boss: "Don't bring me problems, bring me solutions." Dilbert: "When I bring you solutions, you tell me they won't work and treat me like a moron." The boss: "What's the problem with that?"
Thursday January 16,
2014
Tags complaining, frustration, work ethic, budget projections, priorities, solutions not problems
Transcript
Alice: I can't do my budget projections until you tell me your priorities for the coming year. Then you say, "Everything is a top priority. Fuf-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh." I hope this is what you meant by "Bring me solutions, not problems."
Tuesday July 16,
1996
Tags various problems, complied problems, requirements, thoughtful broken
Transcript
Dilbert and Liz hold hands. Dilbert says, "In the year that we've dated, Liz, you've often mentioned various problems in your life." Dilbert continues, "I've compiled those problems into a list of requirements and developed a comprehensive set of solutions." Liz reads the list and says angrily, "How thoughtful. I didn't even know I was broken." Dilbert says, "No, no, not broken . . . Just a bit buggy."
Monday October 27,
1997
Tags disturbing pattern, soultions, problems, try last, old rags, due respect
Transcript
The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, I've noticed a distrubing pattern. Your solutions to problems are always the things you try last." Alice says, "With all due respect, are you using your skull to store old rags or what?" The Boss says to Alice as she leaves her office, "It's a good thing you said, 'With all due respect.'" Alice rols her eyes.
Sunday October 06,
2013
Tags complaining, obstinacy, peer coaching, trendy, complain, insightful questions, cause problems, respoinsible
Transcript
Alice: Who's up for some peer coaching? Dilbert: What? Alice: It's the latest thing. Dilbert: Then it must be good. Alice: I'll complain about all of my work problems while you sit there and listen. Then you'll ask insightful questions that will cause me to come up with my own solutions. Dilbert: Okay. Have you considered the possibility that you cause all of your own problems by um... being you? Alice: You're terrible at this But that's not surprise because you're terrible at most things. I hope you die badly. Dilbert: Do I ask another insightful question now?
Sunday July 05,
2015
Tags ideas, problems, talking, solution, obliviousness, criticism, honesty
Transcript
Boss: Why didn't you tell me our biggest vendor pulled out of the deal? Dilbert: If I told you my problems, you would suggest solutions. Your solutions generally don't make sense. But you are my boss, so I would be obliged to waste time looking into your suggestions. So if you try to solve my problem, I will have two problems instead of one. Boss: Sometimes my ideas are good! Right? Dilbert: That is a dangerous way to think.
Wednesday March 30,
2016
Bring Me Solutions
Tags laziness, work ethic, managers, useless, double standard, guest artist, donna oatney
Transcript
Boss: Don't bring me problems. Bring me solutions! Dilbert: That would make you more useless than you already are. Boss: I also need you to fill out your own performance evaluation.
Friday September 09,
2016
Ask The Other Director
Tags reorganization, logic, managers, solutions, cheating
Transcript
Dilbert: I tried to get approval from the head of Marketing, but the reorg makes it impossible. The outgoing director says I need to ask the incoming directory, but that person hasn't been named. Boss: Bring me solutions, not problems. Dilbert: Forgery it is.