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Coworker: Can I get your input by Friday? Wally: Absolutely, unless something comes up. Coworker: How often does something come up? Wally: More than you'd think. Coworker: What exactly are we talking about? Wally: I'd love to chat, but something just came up.
Wally says to Dilbert, "I've been seeing a beautiful woman. But something came between us." Dilbert says, "Her curtains?" Wally says, "Venetian blinds. Totally unforgiving." Dilbert says, "Maybe she got spooked when you put the lawn chair in her yard."
The Boss says, "Tina, you'll be in charge of our move to the new building." Tina says, "That means you think my regular job is so unimportant that I won't be missed if I work on something else for a month." The Boss says, "If it makes you feel any better, this will take longer than a month."
Dilbert: Every time I have an idea for a new app, I discover that ten people already created something just like it. As the population of the world increases, the potential value of every idea I have approaches zero. Dogbert: So, it's the entire world's fault that you have unoriginal ideas? Dilbert: Why does your agreeing sound like mocking?
Dilbert walks into a store with a sale sign. He thinks, "I hate shopping." Dilbert continues thinking, "There's never a salesperson when you want to buy something." Dilbert continues thinking, "But when you're just looking . . ." Several salespeople cling to his back, arms and legs.
A man stands next to a cart with a sign that says, "Nose Puppies $1.00." The man says to Dilbert, "I make them myself. Each one is hand-painted." The man continues, "They weren't selling until I came up with the concept of sticking them up people's noses." The man continues, "I'm not in it for the money. I just want to leave this world a little better than I found it."
Dilbert sits in his chair thinking, "I hate it when my dog just stares at me." Dilbert thinks, "Is he plotting? Does hoe know something I don't? What is it?" Dogbert looks at Dilbert through a pair of binoculars. Dogbert thinks, "Dogs don't like to talk about it, but the instinct to look up people's noses is very strong."
A man shows a photograph to a man behind a desk and says, "His name is Dilbert. He invented something that would make our entire product line obsolete." The man behind the desk asks, "Do you have a plan?" The employee replies, "Uh . . . I could wax your desk with my hair again." The man says, "It's just crazy enough to work."
The Boss: "I want you to help me upgrade the computer in my office." Dilbert: "The computer in your office is a cardboard prop that came with your desk." The Boss: "So, I need a new motherboard, right?" Dilbert: "No, you need a new desk."
"How's the book publishing business coming along?" "Great!" "I get to reject dozens of authors every day! I call them untalented dolts and they THANK me for it." "Eventually, you have to actually publish something." "Yeah, well, that's the conventional wisdom."