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Dilbert: Studies show that nice guys get paid less than aggressive jerks. Dogbert: Maybe you should offer your doctor 10% of your next raise if he gives you testosterone injections. Dilbert: That would be illegal, dangerous, and unethical. Dogbert: Said the man with the tiny income.
wally: Im looking forward to retirement. I can't wait! I'll have my tiny fixed income, barley enough to survive! ...and a new health problem almost everyday! Wally: I'll have wrinkles everywhere and I'll actually shrink! HAHA! I'll produce nothing and I'll complain constantly! Dilbert: You're looking forward to a ll that?? WallyL well...compared to working here... The boss: Its time for the pre meeting meeting on employee productivity. Wally and Dilbert: mmm. fixed income ...health problems...
boss: we doubled our income during the pandemic, and it isn't a good look. we need to make some sort of insincere gesture of support for people who are suffering. dilbert: or we could actually help people. boss: i'm thinking more along the lines of a sign in the foyer.
Wally: A tiny flying unicorn gave me this key. Guard: Grab a snout and a hat. We're just about to manipulate the commodities market. Wally: Is it my imagination or everything a little bit better here?
Dilbert asks, "Dogbert, have you been bored lately?" Dogbert replies, "Yeah, why?" Dilbert replies, "I found this teeny-tiny sweater knitted out of dental floss." Dogbert says, "Oh." Dilbert says, "This is very bizarre." Dogbert replies, "I didn't use a pattern."
Dogbert sits on his pillow. There is a knock at the door. Dogbert opens the door and an old man with a staff and a hat with an "F" on it stands on the doorstep. The man says, "Dogbert, I am 'Fate.' You must steal Dilbert's hover-saucer and conquer the tiny nation of Elbonia." Dogbert asks, "Since when does Fate knock?" The man replies, "I was bought out in an unfriendly merger by 'Opportunity.' I should have seen it coming."
Dilbert sits in his chair watching the television news. The newscaster says, "In world news, the tiny country of Elbonia has become a despotic monarchy." The news anchorman continues, "The new ruler is King Dogbert, who claims to be a descendant of the Elbonian Deity 'Doug.'" In Elbonia, Dogbert rides on the back of an Elbonian and hits him on the back of his head. Dogbert is wearing a miter and holding a scepter. Dogbert thinks, "I hope this doesn't go to my head."
Dilbert says, "Dogbert, I got tiny 'PCS' phones for both of us." Dilbert continues, "It's the newest technology! I'll be able to call you at any time, no matter where we are!" The phone sits on the pillow next to Dogbert. As it rings, Dogbert thinks, "Why must all progress start out as something annoying?"
DOGBERTS TECH SUPPORT Dogbert sits at a desk and says into the phone, "Please wait while I consult with somebody who has your exact same problem." Ratbert sits in the chair next to Dogbert. Dogbert asks him, "How do you compensate for a tiny brain, Ratbert?" Ratbert answers, "I just say I'm way too busy to learn. Then I get somebody else to do my work." Dilbert says into the phone, "I'm going to transfer you to an expert." Ratbert says, "Sometimes I pretend to be dead."
Dilbert and Alice watch as Dogbert points to a diagram and says, "Your target market is the high income group. They're the only ones who can afford your product." Dogbert continues, "More specifically, they must be rich, tasteless and easily amused. I've located a cluster of them to study." Dogbert stands behind a bush on a golf course and watches two golfers. One golfer says, "That dog's watching us golf again."