March 2020 Comic Strips - Page 1
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Character
Sunday March 01,
2020
Ted Can't Make It
Tags business, co-workers, meeting, project, absence, technology
Transcript
dilbert: ted says he can't make it to the meeting. wally: the only reason for this meeting is so ted can tell us what he's doing on his project. dilbert: we should reschedule. boss: not so fast. i think we can salvage this. if we guess what ted might have told us, that gets us halfway there. dilbert: i don't think it does. boss: we can't know until we try. dilbert: why don't the rest of us leave, and you can stay here and guess what we would have said, too. boss thinking alone at table: ...and then dilbert would have said...
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Monday March 02,
2020
Wally Rounds Off
Tags office workers, business, work, critical, tasks, failed, enjoyment, anger
Transcript
wally: i did no work this week because i had too many critical tasks to do. no matter what i worked on, i would have failed to do the other 99% of tasks that were equally critical. so i rounded it off to 100% and enjoyed my week. alice yelling: why do i work here??? why???
Tuesday March 03,
2020
Impostor Syndrome
Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, business, imposter, syndrome, manager, acting, pretend
Transcript
boss: i have a bad case of imposter syndrome. i feel as if i'm only pretending to be a good manager, and someday everyone will find out it's an act. dilbert: if it makes you feel any better, we figured that out a while ago.
Wednesday March 04,
2020
Facial Recognition
Tags office workers, sarcasm, facial, recognition, identification, social, media, history, business, office
Transcript
office worker: hi, i'm ... dilbert holding up stop hand: hold on. my facial recognition app has identified you and is now showing me your social media history. office worker: uh-oh. dilbert: it seems it would be unwise for me to touch your hand.
Thursday March 05,
2020
Wally Prefers Systems
Tags managers & supervisors, business, office workers, goals, question, answer, system, year
Transcript
dilbert: what are your goals for the year? wally: i prefer systems over goals. dilbert: okay, what are your systems? wally: none of them involve answering questions.
Friday March 06,
2020
Judging By Looks
Tags business, interview, manager, judge, offensive, social media, nonesense
Transcript
boss: i'd like to offer you a job, but ten years ago you said something offensive on social media. interviewee: i'm not the same person i was ten years ago. you are judging me by the actions of someone who literally no longer exists. boss: i get your point, but if i go back to the old way of judging people by their looks, we still end up in the same place.
Saturday March 07,
2020
Compilation Video
Tags business, managers & supervisors, useful, video, co-workers, incompetent, comparision, meeting, compile
Transcript
wally: you think i didn't do anything useful this year. so i made a compilation video of my co-workers being incompetent in meetings for comparison. boss: at least they are trying. wally: as you can see, maybe they shouldn't.
Sunday March 08,
2020
Elbonian Consultant
Tags managers & supervisors, business, consultant, elbonia, people, local, problem, distribution, execute, Opinion, barber
Transcript
boss: i hired an elbonian consultant because we couldn't afford anyone local. dilbert: have you ever consulted in this country? elbonian consultant: no, but people are people, so i assume it isn't that different from elbonia. boss: that's enough chitchat. tell us what we should do about the problems in our distribution system. elbonian system: i recommend executing one of your distributors as a warning to the others. boss: i'm going to need a second opinion. elbonian consultant: my second opinion is that your barber must hate your guts.
Monday March 09,
2020
Dogbert In The Cloud
Tags business, managers & supervisors, personal, information, cloud, safe, worry, trust, manage, system, browser, history
Transcript
boss: i'm concerned that storing my personal information in the cloud is not safe. dilbert: don't be such a worrier. i'm sure we can trust the people who manage those systems to keep us safe. somewhere in the cloud dogbert: hee-hee! look at the browser history on this bunion-having loser.
Tuesday March 10,
2020
Ghosts Use Bitcoin
Tags business, office, money, die, ghost, password, bitcoin, clothes
Transcript
boss drinking coffee: they say you can't take your money with you when you die. but does that include bitcoin? because even a ghost can remember a password. dilbert: why would a ghost need money? boss: have you never noticed they all wear clothes?

