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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 1992's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #product, #testing, #doc, #cosmetics, #dangerous, #assignment, #hate

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Ratbert sits on a lab bench and asks a man in a lab coat, "What product are we testing today, Doc?" The doctor replies, "We'll be testing the safety of cosmetics. This will be your most dangerous assignment." Ratbert walks outdoors wearing eye makeup and blush. People yell, "Hey baby!!" and "Whoa!! Whoa!!" Ratbert thinks, "Sometimes I hate this job."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #seven, #advantages, #dumb, #bob, #ozone, #layer, #doggie, #doctor, #solution, #television, #car, #constrained, #budget, #elvis, #compliment

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Dogbert sits on a stool. The panel contains the title, "Dogbert Presents: The Seven Advantages of Being Dumb." The caption says, "1. Impending doom doesn't bother you." Dilbert tells Bob the Dinosaur, "There's a hole in the ozone layer." Bob replies, "Cool!" The caption says, "2. Television is a source of constant wonder." Bob sits in a chair watching tv and thinking, "I wonder if Doogie is a doctor in real life." The caption says, "3. You have a solution for every problem." Bob thinks, "If people are starving in Africa they should move to France." The caption says, "4. You are not constrained by a budget." Bob sits in the driver's seat of a convertible car. He shouts to Dilbert, "It was free! They just make you sign papers!" The caption says, "5. You've seen Elvis . . . Frequently." Bob watches a man walk by and says, "It's the King!" The caption says, "6. Instant replays are as exciting as live action." Bob watches tv and thinks, "This time he could make it." The caption says, "7. You receive twice as many compliments." Dogbert says, "You're kind of the Dan Quayle of dinosaurs." Bob says, "Really?! Wow!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #home, #video, #moment, #vhs, #doctor, #incision, #squiggly, #photogenic

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A man answers his door and says, "Dilbert! Dogbert!" Dilbert says, "Thanks for inviting us over." The man stands next to a woman and says, "We thought you'd like to see our home video of little Timmy's birth." The man puts the tape in the VCR and says, "We captured every beautiful moment on VHS!" The woman asks, "Have you ever seen a Caesarean section before?" The man points at the screen and says, "The doctor is making the incision!" The man continues, "Now they're removing the squiggly thing!" The woman says, "Wait . . . This might be the wrong tape . . . I think this is your appendectomy video." Dogbert says, "Either that or little Timmy isn't very photogenic."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #arm, #doctor, #dollars, #against, #mine, #Word, #treatment, #malpractice

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Dilbert sits on an examining table holding his arm. A man with a stethoscope says, "You're healthy. That's fifty dollars." Dilbert says angrily, "You haven't even looked at my arm!" The man says, "Who's the doctor here?" Dilbert replies, "Apparently, neither of us." The man says, "Right. So it's just your word against mine."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #doctor, #treament, #unconventional, #demon, #gaath, #tried, #before

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Dilbert sits on an examining table. A man with a stethoscope says, "I'd like to try a treatment which may seem unconventional." The man waves his arms and shouts, "Oh hear me, Omdahr, Demon of Gaath, heal this man's arm!!" Dilbert asks, "Has that ever worked?" The man replies, "Beats me. I've never tried it before." A demon's hand reaches toward the man's head.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #cabaret, #liza, #minneli, #walkman, #sony, #musical, #doctor, #doctors office

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A man with a stethoscope listens to Dilbert's breathing and says, "Cough." Dilbert coughs. The man says, "Sing 'Life is a Cabaret' like Liza Minneli." Dilbert asks, "Why?" The man replies, "I left my Sony Walkman at home."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #doctor, #health, #nothing, #naked, #people, #thing, #cold, #office

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Dilbert sits on an examining table holding his arm. A man with a stethoscope says, "Here at the 'Jiffy Med Center' we do everything to keep your health costs down." The man continues, "In fact, none of us has any medical training so they pay us almost nothing." Dilbert asks, "Why do you do it?" The man grasps the stethoscope and replies, "I like putting this cold thing on naked people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 1990's comic on:


Tags #veterinarian, #Dogbert, #doc, #happy, #tongue, #worried, #mirthful

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Dogbert walks toward the Dog Doctor. The veterinarian says, "Hi, Dogbert. How are you?" Dogbert replies, "Not so good, Doc." Dogbert explains, "I have a bad case of 'happy tongue.'" The vet says, "Hmm . . . Is your tongue happy for any particular reason?" Dogbert replies, "No reason at all. I'm quite worried." The vet says, "I'm going to prescribe these tongue depressors. Use one every time your tongue gets too mirthful." Dogbert leaves the office humming. The doctor thinks, "I like that dog."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 1990's comic on:


Tags #therapy, #unethical, #Dilbert, #biological clock, #ugly, #one, #ticking, #away

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Dilbert lies on a couch in a psychiatrist's office. The therapist says, "Frankly, I'm tired of hearing your little problems . . ." The psychologist says, "I hate my job . . . I haven't had a decent date in a year . . . My biological clock is ticking away . . ." Dilbert asks, "Would it be unethical to date one of your patients?" The doctor replies, "Yes, especially an ugly one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 1990's comic on:


Tags #doctor, #doctor fishlips, #police, #escaped convict, #tramp, #nurse, #appendix, #Comic, #comedy, #operation

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Doctor: There he is... Tiny Tom the convict is clinging to this man's pancreas. Note: Sometimes it is necessary to suspend disbelief for the purpose of creating comic situations. Parents should explain to their children that convicts will rarely, if ever, cling to another person's pancreas. Doctor Fishlips: Ho ho, it appears we have also located our own nurse Woodmeyer the tramp!