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Ted Gets A New Phone

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Ted Gets A New Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2016's comic on:


Tags #punishment, #reward, #gift, #samsung, #explosion, #battery

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Boss: Congratulations, Ted, your job performance has earned you a new mobile phone. Ted: Isn't this the model that has the exploding battery problem? Boss: Your job performance wasn't good either.

Exploding Phones

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Exploding Phones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 2016's comic on:


Tags #bomb, #cell phone, #samsung, #fire, #explosion, #competition, #technology

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Dilbert: We're getting bad press because the batteries in our new line of mobile phones keep exploding. Boss: Load them into a big truck and park it in front of our competitor's building. Dilbert: Technically, that would be domestic terrorism. Boss: There are way too many laws.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #scam, #language, #accent, #communication

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Dogbert: I'm starting a foreign accent schools for the lazy. People assume you're smarter when you know more than one language. But learning a new language takes too much work. So I'll teach you how to speak your own language with a foreign accent. People will assume you are bilingual at the very least. And when you use bad grammar with a foreign accent it makes you look adorable. You'll never need to do another courtesy laugh, either. People will just assume you didn't get the joke. Dilbert: This is one of your better ideas. Dogbert: You should hear it with an accent!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 2016's comic on:


Tags #idea, #criticism, #inventions, #obfuscate

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Dilbert: And that is my idea for our new product. Are there any ignorant objections? Man: Your idea is totally ridiculous! It's like you're tying to build castles in the sky! Dilbert: Have you heard of Air Force One, the plane used by the president of The United States? That's basically a castle in the sky, and someone built it. Man: Well, if your idea is so good, why hasn't someone already done it? Dilbert: I'm guessing that everyone else had co-workers like you.

Requesting The Slightest Change

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Requesting The Slightest Change - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2016's comic on:


Tags #web, #internet, #site, #code, #coding, #development, #deadline, #delay, #time, #technology

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Boss: Will our new website be live this week? Developer: That depends. If you request even the slightest change, it could set things back for months. Boss: I only want to change the homepage title font. Developer: Oh, great. I should be done by next summer.

New Website Developer

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New Website Developer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #web, #internet, #site, #development, #code, #time, #deadline, #coding, #technology

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Boss: Our website developer quit one week before the site was scheduled to be finished. But I hired a new one so we can finish on time. Dilbert: Apparently, you have never met a website developer before. Boss: So, you will be done in about a week, right? Developer: It will take me a month just to throw away the last guy's code.

P Ity The Windowless

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P Ity The Windowless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2016's comic on:


Tags #cubicle, #office, #office workers, #location, #window, #ego, #superiority

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Tina: Do you think you're better than me just because you have a cubicle with a window? Wally: Yes. Continuous exposure to new stimuli makes my brain create useful pathways and connections. Tina: I did not see that coming. Wally: I pity the windowless.

Cubicle Near Thermostat

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Cubicle Near Thermostat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 20, 2016's comic on:


Tags #temperature, #office, #cold, #revenge, #thermostat

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Wally: My new cubicle is the nearest one to the office thermostat. That makes me the de facto ruler of the indoor climate. Dilbert: Don't let the power corrupt you. Wally: I'll start by freezing all the skinny women who laughed at me!

Weak Sales Reorg

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Weak Sales Reorg - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2016's comic on:


Tags #executives, #money, #golden parachute, #greed, #logic, #sales, #business

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Boss: Our executive team didn't know what to do about weak sales. SO they reorganized the company and gave themselves new titles and big raises. They still don't know what to do about weak sales, but they report being happier about the situation.

Electric Car Business

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Electric Car Business - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2016's comic on:


Tags #electric car, #scam

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Boss: We're getting into the electric car business. Dilbert: Why? Boss: Because it sounds impressive and it will take years for anyone to figure out we did it wrong. We'll have new jobs by then. Dilbert: Did you just turn my job into a criminal conspiracy?