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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2007's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #invested, #wallpapering fog, #ideas

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CEO: I didn't understand anything you just said. Go away. The Boss: "Our CEO doesn't like your idea. He didn't say why." Dilbert: "Do you ever feel like you're wallpapering fog?" Wally: "I don't get that invested."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2007's comic on:


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"I don't understand why technical writers get paid less than engineers." "If you were capable of understanding that sort of thing, you'd be an engineer." "This took an ugly turn." "And your dress looks like a tube sock with aspirations."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2007's comic on:


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"I don't understand what your department does, so I decided to eliminate it." "What if I explain what we do? Would you change your mind?" "I see you're not a big fan of decisiveness."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2007's comic on:


Tags #vacation schedule, #cost estimates, #teds input, #revised timeline, #office supplies, #store, #pens, #limited selction, #excellent prices, #vacation next week

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Wally: "May I see the vacation schedule?" Carol: "Why do you want it?" Wally: "No reason." "Well, Ted, I hope you're enjoying your vacation." The Boss: "Wally, do you have the cost estimates?" Wally: "I'm waiting for Ted's input. He's on vacation." The Boss: "How about the revised time-line?" Wally: "I'm waiting for Ted." "Do you need any office supplies? I'm going to the store." Dilbert: "Maybe some pens." TED Wally: "Limited selection but excellent prices." Dilbert: "Thanks." Wally: "So, I understand you have a vacation next week."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2007's comic on:


Tags #free pubilcity, #never been done, #sir richard branson

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Dogbert does public relations "You can't get free publicity simply by doing something better." "You have to do something in a way that has never been done." "It's a Sir Richard Branson sort of thing. You wouldn't understand."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 2006's comic on:


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"Did you tell Asok to get our client a 'little bit pregnant'?" "Yes." "Well, he doesn't understand all of our American sayings." "I don't know what this is all about, but I'm in."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2006's comic on:


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"Before you energize my team with your proposal, let me introduce everyone." "This is Wally. He'll show no reaction because he hopes apathy will kill our idea before it creates work." "This is Alice. She'll leave halfway through your presentation to take a phone call." "This is Asok. He'll be enthusiastic because he doesn't understand how the real world works." "This is Dilbert. He'll tell you why your idea is impossible." "This is Carol. She'll spend the entire meeting wondering if that's your real hair." "And this is Ted. He gave his two-weeks' notice last week." "And I like to keep my eyes closed the entire time because of my allergies. Go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 2006's comic on:


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"Human resources tells me that you refused to take the random drug test." "I didn't refuse. I literally can't do it because I have a shy bladder. It's a medical condition that 7% of men have." "I hope you will understand." "It's a side effect of the nose candy, right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 10, 2006's comic on:


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"With your billions of dollars, I don't understand why you live here?" "I don't. I live in an underground city of interconnected palaces. The elevator is in your linen closet." "We billionaires only come topside to take your coffee and your women." "Hola, Dogbert." "Oh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2006's comic on:


Tags #contract emplyee, #dangling carrot, #regular emplyee, #understand metaphors

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I'll bring you on as a contract employee. "Then I'll keep you motivated by dangling the carrot of becoming a regular employee." "Your first mistake was assuming that he understands metaphors."