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Share February 25, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the armrest. Dilbert says, "I'm embarrassed to work at my company, Dogbert." Dilbert continues, "We can't even pay a simple invoice in less than six months." Dilbert continues, "First it comes to our mail room for aging." Two men stand in a pile of mail. One says, "Do we like Dilbert?" The other man replies, "Bad haircut. Penalty box." Dilbert continues, "Months later it gets to our department secretary." Dilbert says to the secretary, "It's urgent." She replies, "I'll start ignoring it immediately." Dilbert continues, "Eventually my boss gets it. He uses it to demonstrate his inability to grasp the concept of time." The Boss says, "Let's get some more bids." Dilbert replies, "That was the PAST. This is the PRESENT." Dilbert continues, "If it makes it to the accounts payable group, it will be eaten by trolls." A troll says, "No, thanks. I'm full." Another troll takes a bite out of the invoice and says, "Just a taste." Dilbert asks Dogbert, "How would you protect your reputation if you were associated with something so pathetic?" Dogbert replies, "I'd tell everybody that the doofy guy is my butler. Hypothetically."
Share April 28, 1996's comic on:
The Boss approaches Dilbert and Alice carrying a box. He says, "Great news! The company set a new record for profits!" The Boss continues, "That means t-shirts for everyone!" The Boss continues, "You can choose from sizes 'small,' 'petite' or 'elfin.'" Alice holds up a shirt and asks, "Shouldn't these have the company name or logo on them?" The Boss replies, "Hey, that's an idea for next year!" Alice reads the label and says, "It's 1 percent cotton, 99 percent 'miscellaneous' and all hand-made by authentic slave laborers." Dilbert replies, "That's great! With slave labor you don't have the problem that the shirts made on Fridays aren't as good!" Alice asks, "Do you ever worry that our career expectations have gotten too low?" Dilbert says, "Don't go there, Alice." Wally walks in wearing a small shirt and says, "'Casual day,' here I come!"
Share August 10, 1997's comic on:
Tags #project sparkle, #desk policy, #company wide effoert, #tiny question, #curious, #top executives, #competitive threat, #panic, #lone voice of reason, #paper towles, #laminated card, #mission statement
At a meeting, The Boss says, "Announcing Project 'Sparkle', the clean desk policy." The Boss says, "This is a company wide effort to keep our work spaces clean." Alice says, "Tiny question. I'm curious about one thing." Alice says, "I'm picturing our top executives in the 'War Room.'" Alice waves her arms wildly and says, "They talk about the competitive threat and our lack of resources. Suddenly, panic sets in!!" Alice is wide eyed and finishes, "A lone voice of reason penetrates the confusion. Two words: Paper towels." Alice asks, "Is that pretty much how it went?" The Boss says, "Moving along. Each of you get a laminated card with our mission statement." Wally puts his arm out to restrain Alice and says, "Let me do this one." Dilbert just watches it go by. The only reason he's here is because his name is on the strip.
Share June 28, 1998's comic on:
The Boss stands in front of a chart and says, "Our next product will determine the future of our company." The Boss turns and looks at Dilbert and Wally who are sitting at the conference table. He says, "I need a project leader who has a passion for success!" Wally raises his hand and asks, "Would that leader get extra pay?" The Boss replies, "It's not about money, Wally. It's about a passion for success!" Wally turns to Dilbert and Alice and says, "All I have is a vague preference. How about you?" Dilbert puts his hand to his head and says, "Yes, I'm feeling something...Maybe it's..." The Boss looks frustrated as Dilbert says, "No, it's just my allergy medication." The Boss throws up his hands as Wally asks, "What was it like?" Dilbert replies, "It tingled."
Share January 18, 1999's comic on:
Dilbert, Wally and the boss are in a meeting. Wally, still with his ponytail, says, "I used company resources to build my own internet company." Wally says, "Apparently my low job satisfaction bred disloyalty, which drifted into outright theft." Wally says, "Sabotage can't be far away."
Share June 09, 1999's comic on:
The boss stands behind Dilbert's cubicle. The boss says, "Dilbert, I'd like you to testify in the lawsuit against our company." The boss says, "Tell the truth, but do it in your usual engineering way so that no one understands you." Dilbert says, "Actually, I've decidedd to be a whistle-blower." The boss says, "Whatever. It'll all sound the same!"
Share June 22, 1999's comic on:
The boss says to Asok, "Asok, I'm moving you to my "quality assurance" group." Asok gasps. The boss says, "I realize this is bad for you... and bad for the company... but it solves my headcount problem." Asok eats lunch with Dilbert and Wally. Asok says, "Will that be my conreibution to the world: "He solved a headcount problem'?" Wally says, "That tops me."
Share August 18, 1999's comic on:
Dilbert and the boss sit at a table with tools on it. The boss holds a gadget and says, "Your invention will earn ten billion dollars for this company." The boss says, "By the way, you're not allowed to have decorations above the walls of your cubicle." The boss says, "WE both did something important today. Give me five."
Share November 18, 1999's comic on:
Alice, Dilbert, Wally and the boss are in a meeting. The boss says, "The company will not buy PDA's for employees." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: Will you still pay for business trips of no discernible value?" The boss replies, "Of course." The boss is thinking, "A lot of people are traveling to Palm Pilot California lately."
Share December 16, 1999's comic on:
FREE BLOOD PRESSURE SCREENING TODAY blod pressure screening, below average, more work, Dilbert and the boss are in line to have their blood pressure taken. The boss is holding some folders. Over the head of the woman who is taking Dilbert's blood pressure hangs a board that reads: "Free blood pressure screening today" The woman says to Dilbert: "135 over 88." The boss hands some folders to Dilbert and says: "You're bellow the company average. Here's some more work." Dilbert looks surprised. The boss is behind Dilbert, who is walking all worked up and angry. The boss says to Dilbert: "How long did you think you could get away with that?"