Future Perfromance Comic Strips - Page 10

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144 Results for Future Perfromance

View 91 - 100 results for future perfromance comic strips. Discover the best "Future Perfromance" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 2003's comic on:


Tags #human resources, #evil director, #severance package, #spittle, #laugh, #purr, #bad package, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of Human Resources. "What kind of severance package do I get?" "I can't decide if I should laugh or purr, but there's definitely spittle in your future." "This is a bad package." "PURRRR-HA-HA HA-PURRRRR-HA HA-PURRRR!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2004's comic on:


Tags #product design, #consumer electronics, #form emotional bond, #ego influenced, #design process

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Product designer Dogbert: I bring you the future of product design for consumer electronics. Dogbert: Behold Natures perfect shape! your customers will form and emotional bond, Dilbert: Do you think your ego influenced the design process? The boss: Its wagging. Dogbert: Bah!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2004's comic on:


Tags #have plan, #division perfromance, #worst division, #average performance, #merge

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The boss: I have a plan to avoid paying division performance bonuses. I'll merge our group with the worst division so our average performance is lower. her- hee! I should be eay because every division manager is already begging to merge with me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2005's comic on:


Tags #create software, #small investors, #pick stocks, #past trends, #hubris, #ignorance, #testimonials

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Dogbert: I'm creating software that will help small investors pick stocks. "It combines past trends that are not indicative of the future with the user's hubris and ignorance." "Now all I need are testimonials from people whose results are not typical!" Dilbert: "So it works?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2005's comic on:


Tags #20 % staff, #failing perfromance, #required, #muscles, #money hurlage, #metting, #denounce employees, #criticize

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"The company requires me to give failing performance reviews to 20% of my staff." "There are four of you, so that works out to...80% of a person." "Wally, your calf muscles and ankles are performing well, but the rest of you is monkey hurlage."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 2005's comic on:


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"Wally, after I left the meeting yesterday, did you blame me for the failure of the project?" "I'm getting a bad vibe from people today. That sort of rumor could stain my reputation and ruin my entire future." "How dare you accuse me..." "Well, well. Look who's impeding Wally again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 2005's comic on:


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We've narrowed our target market to this guy. "He's the only one rich enough and stupid enough to buy our high-end product." "Our diamond-encrusted time machine will take you one hour into the future in only sixty minutes!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 20, 2005's comic on:


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Question: If our new product takes you sixty minutes into the future in one hour... "Isn't that the same as doing nothing at all?" "It also makes you lose weight if you stay in it long enough...while not eating."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2006's comic on:


Tags #business, #competition, #sales, #sales personnel

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The land of unrealistic business assumptions. Dilbert: We need to find some assumptions about future sales. Dang! There's only one way across and it's blocked by an inebriated hillbilly. Dogbert: In the land of unrealistic assumptions, this guy is your only competitor.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 2006's comic on:


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I've written a future best-selling book. "It's part fake autobiography and part plagiarism." Moby Dog Publisher Pitch "You were a large white whale? Wow!" "Until I married Mary Magdalene."