Competition Keeper Comic Strips - Page 10

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106 Results for Competition Keeper

View 91 - 100 results for competition keeper comic strips. Discover the best "Competition Keeper" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dogbert's Recommendations

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Dogbert's Recommendations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2016's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #consultant, #listening, #employees, #business

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Dogbert Consults. Dogbert: I recommend doing all of the things your employees have been telling you to do. Boss: I don't see why I should pay you for this. Dogbert: Oh. Then how about doing all the things your competition is doing? Boss: Now, that's a great idea. Dogbert: Good, because that's what your employees have been telling you to do.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2016's comic on:


Tags #mentor, #mentorship, #competition, #honesty, #truth

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Dilbert: I need some mentoring. Boss: This is awkward. On one hand, helping you would make me appear wise and generous. On the other hand, it would make you a more credible threat to take my job. I see you as more of an adversary than a subordinate. That's why I withhold vital information that you need to do your job. I've already said too much. Wally: Did you learn anything? Dilbert: Yes, unfortunately.

Ceo Sits On His Wallet

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Ceo Sits On His Wallet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 2016's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #perspective, #suffering, #competition

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CEO: I hate to complain, but it hurts when I sit on my wallet for too long. Asok: I risked an honor killing to pay my rent. CEO: This is why I hate to complain. Asok: I know a hundred ways to eat a spider.

Topper Signs Document

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Topper Signs Document - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 2016's comic on:


Tags #one-up, #best, #competition, #deception, #trick, #signature

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Topper. Dilbert: I once signed my entire first name to a document. Topper: That's nothing! Watch me sign my entire full name to that document! Dilbert: Sometimes you can be predictable. Topper: That's nothing! I don't even have free will!

Bought His Last Company

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Bought His Last Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2016's comic on:


Tags #comparison, #comparing, #merger, #acquisition, #liquidation, #layoff, #redundancy, #big business, #competition, #darwin

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Man: That's now how we did it at my prior company. Boss: We bought your old company, fired all of the employees, and discontinued all of its products. Man: How is that possible? Boss: It's called "survival of the fittest." It's just science.

Exploding Phones

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Exploding Phones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 2016's comic on:


Tags #bomb, #cell phone, #samsung, #fire, #explosion, #competition, #technology

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Dilbert: We're getting bad press because the batteries in our new line of mobile phones keep exploding. Boss: Load them into a big truck and park it in front of our competitor's building. Dilbert: Technically, that would be domestic terrorism. Boss: There are way too many laws.

Wally's Coffee Ideas

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Wally's Coffee Ideas - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2017's comic on:


Tags #coffee, #obsession, #caffeine, #decaf, #competition, #thinking, #intelligence

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Wally: I recommend buying the company that supplies coffee to our biggest competitor. We'll replace their regular coffee with decaf enjoy a solid 20-point I.Q. advantage over them. Boss: Do all of your ideas involve coffee. Wally: Only the good ones.

Culture Is Our Greates Strength

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Culture Is Our Greates Strength - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2017's comic on:


Tags #culture, #company, #competition, #obliviousness, #modesty, #business

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Boss: Our greatest strength is our company culture. Dilbert: What's our company culture. Wally: Give us a hint. Boss: We're fiercely competitive. Wally: Do we hide it because we're also modest?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #hot peppers, #competition, #burned, #unedible, #face burned, #fire, #group, #face burn, #head, #flame

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Topper Dilbert: I tried a Habanero pepper last night, It almost burned off my face. Ted: Thats Nothing. I can eat the hottest peppers in the world and not even break a sweat. Dilbert: Im glad you said that, because I have with me the hottest peppers in the world. Ted: Pfft. easy. Gulp. FOOM! Dilbert: Will you admit you were wrong? Ted: You don't see any sweat , do you?

Mentor Can't Tell A Hoax From Reality

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Mentor Can't Tell A Hoax From Reality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #competition, #bad advice, #deception, #wedgie

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Man: Alice has been mentoring me for a month, and I can't tell how much of her advice is real and how much is a hoax. For example, she advised me to give our boss a wedgie because she said he likes assertive people. Is that real? Dilbert: I'm gonna say yes.