Die Younger Comic Strips - Page 10

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137 Results for Die Younger

View 91 - 100 results for die younger comic strips. Discover the best "Die Younger" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2012's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #work ethic, #good leader, #positive attitude, #sultan, #cublicle, #positive, #wishing harm, #business

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Boss: A good leader has a positive attitude and spreads it by example. Today I lived like a sultan while you slaved away in your cubicle prison. I had a great day. Now it's your turn. Remember to be positive. Dilbert: I'm positive I want you to die.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2012's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #projects, #meetings, #ambiguous golas, #no budget, #angry team, #overworked people

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Boss: How's your project going? Dilbert: Do you mean the one that has no management support, ambiguous goals, no budget, and an angry team of overworked people who want it to die? Boss: No, the other one. Dilbert: Sometimes there isn't an "other one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2012's comic on:


Tags #crimes, #engineers, #engineering question, #holiday lights, #homeless guy, #catapult, #satellite map, #fell off roof, #flight oath, #neighbors pool, #broken leg, #heartless

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Boss: Do you have a minute to answer an engineering question? My wife is out of town visiting her sister. She asked me to put up the holiday lights while she was gone. I hired a homeless guy to do it and he fell off the roof. What's the easiest way to get rid of the body before my wife comes home? Dilbert: Your question is disturbing, but I'm intrigued by the engineering part. Here's a design for a catapult you can build at home. And here's a satellite map showing the best flight path to a neighbor's pool. Did he die right away? Boss: No, just a broken leg.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2012's comic on:


Tags #anger, #meetings, #more assertive, #wishing death, #dial back, #shouting, #miserable

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Boss: Asok, I need to teach you to be more assertive in meetings. Asok: You're a miserable human being and I hope you die in a long, painful way! Boss: Dial it back a little. Asok: I hope you die quickly?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2013's comic on:


Tags #happiness, #work ethic, #workplace happiness, #direct deposit, #mental distance, #effort, #paycheck, #no clear goal, #doing good work, #job satisafaction, #stress related problems, #highly demotivated, #psychology

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Asok: Wally, what is the key to workplace happiness? Wally: Well, Asok, it all starts with direct deposit. You want to keep some mental distance between your effort and your paycheck. Next, you want to work on projects that have no clear goals or deadlines. Coworker: Hey, Wally, can you... Wally: No, I'm too busy doing various things. Asok: What about the satisfaction of doing good work? Wally: Job satisfaction is what people feel right before they die from stress-related problems. Asok: I feel highly demotivated right now. Wally: You are very welcome.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2008's comic on:


Tags #cow supervisor, #bovine overlord, #usurper, #food chain, #kind of cool, #position in food chain

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Cow supervisor A cow says, "Try not to think of me as a cow who happens to be your supervisor." The cow says, "Think of me as your bovine overlord, the usurper of your position in the food chain." Dilbert says, "I'd be lying if I said that didn't make it feel kind of cool." The cow says, "Say you'd die for me!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 2010's comic on:


Tags #matrix management, #neo, #earbuds, #ipod, #computer, #powerpoint, #die, #scared, #technology

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Wally says, "This is where you jack into matrix management, Neo." Wally says, "Insert these iPod ear buds and fire up PowerPoint. The reality you once knew is gone." Wally says, "One more thing: If your computer dies during powerpoint, your career dies in the real world."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #old coworker, #whisper, #secret, #knowledge, #die, #evil smile, #grin, #business

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Boss says, "Old Johannsen has kept his job all of these years because no one else has his critical knowledge." Johannsen says, "Pss pss pss pss psss"B<R>The Boss says, "There's the worst-case scenario right there."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #sales, #annoyance, #anger, #business

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man says, "Thanks to a new law, every customer In my sales territory needed to upgrade." man says, "Now I wear a hat made of money. The funny thing is that I'm not even a good salesman." man says, "Next week, the donuts are on me." Alice says, "Die! Die! Die!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2009's comic on:


Tags #suggestion, #improvements, #ridicule, #ignoring

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The boss says, ""Thanks for the suggestion. I will think about it and get back to you." Tina says, "Why do I have the feeling that you are actively forgetting my suggestion as I stand here?" Tina said, "Your head is where ideas go to die." The boss thinks, "I like pie."