Everything You Say Comic Strips - Page 10

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Everything You Say

View 91 - 100 results for everything you say comic strips. Discover the best "Everything You Say" comics from Dilbert.com.

Everything We Have Done Is Stupid

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Everything We Have Done Is Stupid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mistake, #criticism, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I recently learned that everything we have been doing is stupid. Dilbert: Does that mean we'll be changing what we do? Boss: Let's see how far we can get by demonizing our critics first.

Wally Plans His Retirement

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Plans His Retirement - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #retirement, #profit

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: the product i'm developing will be unprofitable for the first none years, but revenue will surge in the tenth. the boss: didn't you tell me you plan to retire in nine years? wally: maybe. the boss: you will be happily retired before we find out if profits really do surge in year ten. the boss: that makes everything you say sound suspicious. wally: numbers don't lie. the boss: who came up with the numbers? wally: that's all the time we have for questions.

Agreeing With The Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Agreeing With The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #climate change, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #meetings, #office workers, #agree

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: As my new pet employee, your job is to agree with everything I say in meetings. Can you do that? Wally: Sure. How hard could it be? Boss: Climate change is caused by gravity. Wally: That's right!

Dilbert Did Not Say That

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Did Not Say That  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #boss, #prototype, #authority, #idiot, #liar, #innocent, #guilty

View Transcript

Transcript

co-worker: why did you tell our pointy-haired boss we need to do more testing on the prototype? dilbert: i didn't do anything of the sort. co-worker: carl says you did. dilbert: who is a better authority on what i said - a guy who wasn't in the room or me? co-worker: good question. on one hand, carl is an idiot and a known liar. on the other hand, it is common for guilty people to say they are innocent. dilbert: what do innocent people say when you accuse them of stuff? co-worker: who knows? just do't do it again. dilbert under distress: i didn't do it once!!!

Platinum Level Service

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Platinum Level Service - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #forecasting, #future, #predict, #industry, #blame, #sell, #upsell, #platinum

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i hired you to predict the future, of our industry, but everything you say makes me sad. dogbert: don't blame me. i only predict the future. i don't make the future. unless you buy my special platinum level service. boss: nice upsell.

First Time For Everything

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
First Time For Everything - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #amazing, #business, #business plan, #concept, #first time, #good, #managers & supervisors, #new, #pandemic, #face mask, #covid

View Transcript

Transcript

boss and wally wearing face masks. boss: why should we do what you are suggesting when literally no one has ever tried it before? wally: because everything good and amazing had to be done by someone for the first time. boss: will this be good and amazing? wally: let's keep this on the concept level.

Wally Must Say Something

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Must Say Something   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #technology, #meeting, #attention, #confused, #face mask, #follow-up, #questions, #project, #employee, #engagement, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

wally thinking: i need to say something to show i'm paying attention. wally: i'm concerned that the project could reduce employee engagement. boss: what does that even mean? wally thinking: i wasn't expecting follow-up questions.

Nothing Is Totally Safe

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Nothing Is Totally Safe - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #health & safety, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #technology, #test, #reality, #blame, #face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: have you tested everything to make sure it is 100% safe? dilbert: nothing is 100% safe. we don't live in that kind of reality. but i'll bet you want me to say it anyway. boss: it's more about the blame later.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fake press relases, #new green technology, #scientist, #2040 power home, #refrigerator door, #science

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "I'm writing fake press releases for imaginary new green energy technologies." Computer says, "Scientists say that by 2040 you will be able to power your entire home with the breeze from your refrigerator door." Dilbert says, "Now how will I know which green breakthroughs are real?" Dogbert says, "Seriously? You think there are real ones?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers & peripherals, #fraternization, #friends with ghots, #ghandi, #ghost personal page, #ghosts, #heaven, #internet & world wide web, #llincoln, #satellite pictures, #social media, #social network, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Our new product will be a social network for people who want to be friends with ghosts. We'll post satellite pictures on each ghost's personal page and say the photos were taken from heaven. Man: Abraham Lincoln posted new pictures. Woman: I'm chatting with Gandhi! Later.