Keep Him Away Comic Strips - Page 10
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833 Results for Keep Him Away
View 91 - 100 results for keep him away comic strips. Discover the best "Keep Him Away" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday October 05,
2015
People Keep Stealing His Ideas
Tags criticism, honesty, insult, conversation, ideas
Transcript
Coworker: People keep stealing my ideas! Dilbert: Maybe that is an illusion caused by the fact that your ideas are both old and obvious. Were you hoping for a less honest reaction? Coworker: I kinda was.
Wednesday February 08,
2017
Keeping The Boss Away
Tags managers, interference, huddle, scrum
Transcript
Boss: What time is the team huddle? Dilbert: I can't tell you. As the team scrum, it is my job to keep you from interfering. Boss: Then I guess we're both doing what we're supposed to do. Dilbert: Sadly, yes.
Monday March 06,
2017
No Walking Away
Tags human resources, policy, conversation, ideas, management, strategy, politeness, etiquette, business
Transcript
Boss: The company has a new politeness policy. It is no longer acceptable to turn and walk away while a co-worker is in the middle of telling you something. Dilbert: That will add months to my project. Alice: I'm selling all of my company stock.
Friday December 22,
2017
Human Sensation Slipping Away
Tags addiction, humanity, technology, existentialism, existential crisis, awareness
Transcript
Dilbert: My sensation of being human is slipping away. My car practically drives itself, and the apps on my phone control my brain. I feel as if I need to do something stupid just to feel alive. Carol: Homeland security?
Tuesday April 02,
2019
Not In My Town
Tags business, engineering, office, office workers, nuclear
Transcript
dilbert: i engineered a totally safe design for nuclear power plants. ceo: how sure are you that it is safe? dilbert: one hundred percent. ceo: just keep it away from my town. dilbert: maybe it wasn't an engineering problem after all.
Saturday May 09,
2020
No Human Contact
Tags home, human, contact, self isolation, quarantine, coronavirus, health, oxytocin, lonely
Transcript
dilbert at home: i haven't had any human contact for months. dilbert wearing face mask sitting on couch with dogbert: people need physical contact to keep their oxytocin at healthy levels. dogbert: get away from me. dilbert: maybe if we both close our eyes.
Monday June 14,
2021
Elbonian Hackers Attack
Tags business, business ethics, elbonian, hackers, attack, stole, database, ranking, employee, haircuts, sarcasm
Transcript
dilbert: elbonian hackers stole our employee performance ranking database, and now they demand a ransom payment to give it back. boss: they can keep it. we've been ranking employees solely on their haircuts for years, and no one has complained yet. dilbert: what? boss walking away: we will speak of this no more.
Thursday June 24,
2021
Insults By Email
Tags business, communication, office workers, insult, email, comfortable, belittle, Opinion, move away, sarcasm
Transcript
dilbert: i feel a deep need to belittle your opinion, but it would be awkward doing it in person. would you mind moving away from me so i can email you my insult? dilbert in hall by himself. dilbert: a little more....
Thursday March 24,
2011
Tags competition (psychology), meetings, test script, prodcut
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I spent the week writing a test script for our product." Wally says, "And I wrote a test script to test Dilbert's test script." Wally says, "Your script was almost perfect. Keep up the good work, buddy."
Sunday May 08,
2011
Tags business ethics, suspicion, features for product, overstaffed, spare time, job description, healthy raise, highest performance rating
Transcript
Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.