Via Time Machine Comic Strips - Page 10

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Via Time Machine

View 91 - 100 results for via time machine comic strips. Discover the best "Via Time Machine" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags leadership, air traffic control system, on time, under budget, feature creep, dangerous, wall clock

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on an air traffic control panel. He says to the Boss, "Thanks to my leadership, the new air traffic control system is designed on time and under budget." Dogbert continues, "I had to cut a few corners. This big radar-looking thing is a wall clock. And most of the buttons are glued on." The Boss says, "It looks like it might be um . . . dangerous." Dogbert says angrily, "Great . . . I finish early and what do I get: 'feature creep.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, dierctor, eliminate sick days, evil human resources, too much time off, use vacation days, demons of darkness

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert stands on the desk and thinks, "The employees have too much time off. It must be stopped." Catbert waves his arms and shouts, "I summon the demons of Darkness to assist me!!!" Catbert sits on the monitor while Phil, the demon of Heck, says, ". . . Eliminate sick days. Make them use vacation days when they're ill. Call it a 'time bank.'" Catbert says, "It's playful . . . It's cruel . . . I like it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags special chromosome, assignments, waste of time, sweet smell, men more perceptive

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice walks away from Dilbert's cubicle and says, "I don't believe men have a special chromosome to tell them which assignments are a waste of time." Dilbert leans out of his cubicle and says, "We do." Alice approaches Asok and thinks, "I will test the theory on young Asok the intern." Asok looks at the documents Alice is holding and says, "Mmm . . . The sweet smell of unnecessary work." Alice thinks, "Maybe men are more perceptive than you'd think." Asok thinks, "She's aroused. I'll make my move."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags stupid machine, taken coins, sunny disposition, nothing, dignity, career, drawing line, soda machine

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of a soda vending machine. He pushes a button and says angrily, "Stupid machine, you've taken my coins and with them my sunny disposition." The Boss walks up behind Dilbert who shouts, "There's nothing left to give!!! You've taken it all!!!" Wally, Alice and the Boss stand behind Dilbert watching him talk to the machine. Dilbert says, "Okay, you got my dignity and my career, too . . . But I am drawing the line HERE, Buster!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags catbert hr director, went nuts, vending machine, offer counseling, more economical, death penalty, possible, microwave oven

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says to Dilbert, "This report says you went nuts at a vending machine because it took your money." Dilbert sits with his arms crossed over his chest. Catbert continues, "The company used to offer counseling in these cases. But we found it was more economical to apply the death penalty." Dilbert looks shocked. Dilbert asks, "What?! How is that possible?" Catbert replies, "I'm not sure yet. You're too big for the microwave oven . . ."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags vending machine, stole money, sentenced to death, director human resources, desensitized, tragic news, execution is scheduled

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase. Dogbert sits on the couch reading the newspaper. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Today was a bad day. First the vending machine stole my money . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . And by the end of the day I had been sentenced to death by the director of human resources . . ." Dogbert reads and hums as he ignores Dilbert. Still reading the paper, Dogbert says, "I've become totally desensitized to tragic news!" Dilbert says, "The execution is scheduled for tomorrow. I should call in sick."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags arbitrary clerical deadline, preserve integrity, time reporting system, time sheet, annoying

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert hands a time sheet to a woman at a desk and says, "Here's my time sheet, including guesses for the next two days so I can meet your arbitrary clerical deadline." Dilbert continues, "If anything important comes up, I'll ignore it to preserve the integrity of the time-reporting system." The woman asks, "Are you finished annoying me yet?" Dilbert answers, "According to my time sheet I'll be here for another 14 minutes."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags being bought, long time rival, layoffs, engineers, divison, what we do, younger

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Alice, Wally and Dilbert, "The company announced we're being bought by our long-time rival." Alice, Wally and Dilbert look surprised. The Boss continues, "Don't worry about layoffs. They like engineers. In fact, they already have a division that does what we do!" Alice throws her hands up, Wally yanks at his tie and Dilbert covers his eyes. The Boss continues, "Except they're younger and they aren't paid as much as we are . . ." Alice's hair jumps off her head, Wally's skeleton comes out of his mouth and Dilbert's head spins around.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags time, sequence, discreet eventsmlime ofperception, infinite possibilities, magazine, moments, have togather, less often, life

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in a chair reading and Dogbert sits on his legs. Dogbert asks, "Do you see 'time' as a sequence of discrete events or simply a line of perception through infinite possibilities?" Dilbert answers, "I see 'Time' as more of a magazine." Dogbert says, "You know these moments we have together - we really must have them less often." Dilbert says, "Ask me about 'Life.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, mandatory blood test, take drugs, stealing time, test, general health

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert peers over the wall and says, "Wally, it's time for your mandatory blood test." Wally says, "I don't take drugs." Catbert, who is holding a syringe, replies, "I'm testing to see if you're stealing time from the company." Wally asks, "Time? How can you test for that?" Catbert replies, "We test your general health. If it's good, you're not working enough hours. You thief."