1997 Comic Strips - Page 10

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boredom, conference room, dead emplyee, employee of the week, headcount down

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The Boss carries a dead body over his shoulder. He tells Dilbert, "I found another dead employee in the conference room." Dilbert looks shocked. The Boss continues, "I don't know what got him - the boredom or the hard work. But headcount is down one and the company has life insurance on him!" The Boss thinks, "It looks like I found my 'Employee of the Week.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, evil hr dierctor, life insurance policy, raise blood pressure, dangerous levels, fifty time salary, ceo

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Catbert peers over a wall and says, "Wally, the company bought a life insurance policy on you." Catbert explains, "Our plan is to raise your blood pressure to dangerous levels." Catbert asks, "Did you know that our CEO makes fifty times your salary even though our stock is down?" Wally covers his ears and shouts, "Ow! Ow! Ow!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags success at work, coffee cup, document, whats in hands, binder, cigarette, good or bad

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Dogbert tells Dilbert, "Your success at work depends on what you have in your hands when you walk around." Dogbert continues, "A coffee cup is bad. A document is good. A cigarette is bad. A binder is good. But the very worst thing . . ." Dilbert meets Wally in the hallway. Wally carries a coffee mug and a newspaper. Dilbert says, "It doesn't look like you're heading for the fast track, Wally." Wally replies, "Actually, I am, unless it's occupied."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags family friendly policies, higher profits, high profits, true costs, camouflage, five minute break

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A woman points at a chart and says, "My study shows that the companies with 'Family Friendly' policies have higher profits." Dilbert sits in the audience with Wally, Alice and other employees. He raises his hand and says, "Question: Do family policies cause high profits or do high profits simply camouflage the true costs of the policies?" The woman says, "We'll take a five-minute break so the married people can slap you for asking that." Dilbert says, "Ouch!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags family freindly, policy, childless people, tax, child care, lower profit sharing, time off, pick up slack, victim

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Dilbert tells Alice, "This so-called 'Family Friendly' policy is like a tax on childless people." Dilbert continues, "You get child-care; I get lower profit-sharing. YOU get time off for family; I get to pick up your slack . . ." Dilbert says, "I'm a victim, but in some strange way I'm enjoying it." Alice makes a fist and rolls up her sleeve. She says, "Then you'll love this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags home early, sick kid, family freindly, test for drugs

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Alice peers into the Boss's office as she puts on her coat. She says, "I'm going home early because my kid is sick." Alice says, "Remember, we have a new 'Family Friendly' policy." The Boss asks, "We do?" The Boss asks, "Is that why my family seems so friendly?" Alice replies, "Maybe, but I'd test 'em for drugs."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, evil hr director, discriminated against, family emergencies, ratted out boss, family friendly policy, love family

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Alice sits in a chair and Catbert sits on a couch. Alice says, "I'm being discriminated against because I take time off for family emergencies." Catbert replies, "I'll handle this by telling your boss that you ratted him out to the Director of Human Resources." Alice says, "I thought we had a 'Family Friendly' policy." Catbert says, "The key word is FRIENDLY. You've been acting as if you LOVE your family."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business plan, disarray, free time, deliverables, joy, perverse sources, Alternative

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Wally tells Dilbert, "Good news! Our business plan is in complete disarray!" Wally shouts, "Free time!! No deliverables!!! And it's not OUR fault!" Dilbert shouts, "Yippee!!" They celebrate. Dilbert asks, "Do you realize that all our joy comes from perverse sources?" Wally replies, "I didn't know there was an alternative."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business plan, disarray, three hour lunch, turn around, distinguish, dedication, insanity

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Wally stands behind Alice's desk and says, "Alice, our business plan is in complete disarray so we're taking a three-hour lunch. Want to join us?" Alice replies, "No, I've got to work harder than ever to turn this situation around!" Wally and Dilbert put their coats on and leave. Wally tells Dilbert, "Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between dedication and insanity." Dilbert asks, "Which one are we?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wally report, weekly stats upadte, industry average, income, supply cabinet unlocked

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. Wally says, "It's time now for the Wally Report, a weekly status update." Wally continues, "My income is 80 percent of industry average, enthusiasm is at 63 percent of capacity and my ego shield is holding at 15 percent." Dilbert says, "Your enthusiasm is up from last week." Wally says, "Someone left the supply cabinet unlocked!"