Company Directory Comic Strips - Page 10
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882 Results for Company Directory
View 91 - 100 results for company directory comic strips. Discover the best "Company Directory" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday May 13,
1994
Tags dogbert consulting, liver, slab of liver, harvard mba, good debaters, brains wrapped
Transcript
"When I hired the 'Dogbert Consulting Company' he said his consultants were so smart they had to wrap their brains around their torsos." "But that looks like a slab of liver." "This slab of liver has an MBA from Harvard, you pointy-haired fool!!" "Wow, you guys are good debaters."
Saturday May 14,
1994
Tags huge time saver, final consulting, company, deadweight, employees.fired, company directory, business
Transcript
Ratbert: Here's my final consulting report on your company. Ive listed all the deadweight employees who should be fired. The Boss: This is the company directory. Ratbert: Finding that was a huge time saver.
Tuesday June 14,
1994
Tags bad schdeuling, careless, company cares, last tuesday, long hours, missed out, stress on workers, stress redcution expert, stressful, talk at lunch, too late
Transcript
"The company cares deeply about the effects of long hours and stress on workers." "So they're paying nearly $200 to have an expert on stress-reduction give a talk during lunch." "Just when you think they don't care, something like this comes along." "It's scheduled for lst Tuesday."
Sunday June 19,
1994
Tags new cucbicle, self suffcient, work space, life suport, various tubes, watch to body, vital signs, monitor, central location, human resources dept, emergency hiring
Transcript
"Here's your new cubicle: the Cuborg 2000." "It's a self-sufficient workspace and life support system." "These tubes attach to various parts of your body so you never have to leave." "Various parts?" "Let's just say you don't want to get these two tubes mixed up." "We'll monitor your vital signs from a central location." "The company nurse?" "No; the human resources department, in case we have to do some emergency hiring." "Is it upgradeable?" "Yeah, the Cuborg 3000 is expected to have air holes."
Monday June 27,
1994
Tags book publishing, reject people, dismiss lifes work, gesture, witty comment, not a people person, dog, animals
Transcript
"I'm going to start my own book publishing company so I can reject people all day long." "I'll dismiss their life's work with a gesture and a witty comment." "Bottom line, I'm just not a people person." "I've noticed."
Tuesday July 05,
1994
Tags project cancelled, answer, task delegated, craft response, boss delegating job, do nothing boss, fraud
Transcript
The Boss: Do you remember when the company President visited? You asked why your project had been cancelled. He promised to get an answer, That task has been delegated all the way down to me. Id like you to craft a response for me, You'll have to put your new project on hold until this is done.
Sunday July 10,
1994
Tags share accomplishements, meeting, share, tiger team, lock up session, meeting cancelled, nothing tangible, busy work, business
Transcript
The Boss: Let's each share our accomplishments for the month. Dilbert: To the untrained observer it might seem like I didn't accomplish anything. However, I did strategically "position" my project by socializing it within the company. Dilbert: Then Wally and I help a "tiger team" lock up session. Then I prepared the executive briefing package for the big meeting that got cancelled. Since then Ive spent most if my time looking for the best project management software to use. And I did it all within ten percent of my budget goal, Dilbert: Looking good. Wally: wow all I did was that tiger thing.
Wednesday July 20,
1994
Tags head of market research, 120k salary, value opinions, refrence, honesty, pay these days
Transcript
"I got a job as the head of market research at your company. I'll be pulling down $120 K per year." "I don't value otehr people's opinions so I'll just use my own." "Just for reference, how much does honesty pay these days?" "Shut up."
Wednesday July 27,
1994
Tags broke code, can't be measured, cut pay, depend on meeting, own darn fault, sales targets
Transcript
"From now on, twenty percent of your pay will depend on the company meeting its sales targets." "In effect, we'll cut your pay and tell you it's your own darn fault." "Will the sales target be based on a complex formula and involve numbers that can't be accurately measured?" "You broke the code!"
Monday August 01,
1994
Tags boos, delegate work, mark compalins, throws a fit, complain, behind back, boss retreats
Transcript
The Boss: We've hired the Dogbert Ad Agency to give our company a new image. Mark: AAAGH! MARK: Sure, Sure...I"ll do it, but I'll have this expression the whole time. and just maybe I"ll complain behind your back!! The Boss: Never mind, I'll do it myself. Oh, right, keep the good assignment,