Company For Sale Comic Strips - Page 10

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

917 Results for Company For Sale

View 91 - 100 results for company for sale comic strips. Discover the best "Company For Sale" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company cellular, #dropped in john, #fish it out, #pager fell, #array of tools, #glasses, #toilet, #all needs

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "I need a replacement for my company cellular phone." "I dropped mine in the...John." The Boss: "Again?? Why don't you reach in and fish it out?" Dilbert: "I tried, but then my pager fell in too." The Boss: "Reach in and get them both." Dilbert: "I tried, of course, but when my vast array of writing tools fell in they kind of wedged..." The Boss: "Try it again!!!" Dogbert: "Where are your glasses?" Dilbert: "Shut up."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #process engineering consultant, #totally objective, #dont care, #right attitude, #flowing robe, #cherubs

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: "You should hire me as your process reengineering consultant." "I would be totally objective about what jobs to eliminate. Frankly, I don't care about anybody at your company!" Dilbert: "You've got the right attitude." Dogbert: "I think I'll wear a flowing robe and surround myself with cherubs."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #competition, #control, #deadbeats, #for scuccess, #mangers, #reorganize, #subgroup, #thrown out window, #whiners

View Transcript

Transcript

- How to reorganize for success Put All your deadbeats and whiners in one sub group. Deadbeats: we don't want to be a subgroup. -Give them a project that duplicates work being done by more competent people elsewhere in the company.- Soon, the manager of the competent people will find out you're duplicating his work. Man: You're on my turf Dogbert: Boo hoo - He'll make a play to get your project under his control.- Man: They should be transferred to my control. - Before you transfer the deadbeats. Give them high performance reviews to conceal your treachery Deadbeat: Godlike ? wow! Dogbert: I'll miss you. - In time, the manager who took your losers will fail, this decreasing competition for promotions. AAIIII!! Dogbert: Next week I'll discuss teamwork - the managers obstacle to success.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no raises, #no promotions, #mathematical certainty, #inflation, #pooer, #uncertainty, #leader, #not just manager

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "The company has announced there will be no raises or promotions this year." "Now, there's a mathematical certainty that no matter how hard you work, inflation will make you poorer." Dilbert: "I hated the old way, with all the uncertainty." The Boss: "I'm not just a manager, I'm a leader!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quality training, #promoted, #management, #lobotomy, #footsteps

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "The only way to get ahead in this company is by getting promoted to management." "I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get promoted. I want to follow in your footsteps." "But I'm wondering if a lobotomy is actually necessary." "No, we'll just run you through 'quality training'."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lottery tickets, #sale, #value, #yesterdays lottery, #half priced lottery, #cheat, #scam, #Dogbert, #salesman, #scammer, #office dog, #customer

View Transcript

Transcript

"What makes these a 'value'?" "Value priced lottery tickets" "They're half the normal price, and yet the chance of winning is only one in ten million less." "Hey! This is for yesterday's lottery!" "And your point is...?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #static, #copyright, #fifty billion, #film library, #blow deal, #copyrighted everything

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: You can't copyright the static on blank TV channels! Dogbert: "I already did." Dilbert: "You can't let my company pay fifty billion dollars to buy your so-called film library." Dogbert: "I already am." Dilbert: "I may have to blow the whistle on this deal." DOgbert: "It'll have to be a nose whistle - I copyrighted everything else."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big money, #deal, #dog, #Dogbert, #executive, #mercury dimes, #negotiate, #static network, #stock, #static for sale, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: We'll give you sixty billion for the "dogcart static network" half f that will be stock in our company. Dogbert: Who would want stock in a company that would pay city billion for static? CEO: Not us thats the point. Dogbert: Id like it all in mercury dimes.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #consulting company, #new course, #business, #extra brains, #liver, #ratbert

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: The Dogbert Consulting Company will plot a new course for your business. My consultants are so smart that their brains don't fit in their heads, They have to start the extra brains to their torsos. Ratbert: why do I need a piece of liver strapped to my torso? Dogbert: I got a little carried away at the pitch meeting.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project leader, #dogcart consulting, #shall do bidding, #endless variety, #expediations, #slab of liver, #external brain pack, #career low

View Transcript

Transcript

"I'm the project leader for the Dogbert Consulting Company. You simple employees shall do my bidding." "I'll be sending you on an endless variety of data-gathering expeditions. That will keep you busy while I do the thinking." "By the way, this may look like a slab of liver but it's an external brain pack." "My career just reached an all time low."