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Dilbert and Dogbert are eating breakfast. Dilbert says, "Maybe I should become a teacher so I can educate the leaders of tomorrow." Dogbert responds, "Maybe you should educate the morons of tomorrow so they'll stop believing the leaders of tomorrow." Dilbert replies, "Maybe I'll just eat this donut and go to work." Dogbert asks, "Do you have more dreams I can crush?"
Dilbert is eating lunch with a female coworker. The coworker says, "Then I noticed that the circuit design looked like a bug. I was going to mention it but then I didn't." Dilbert exclaims, "I'm psychic!" Dilbert continues, "Unless you're saying out loud every thought that crosses your mind." The coworker gives the thumbs up and says, "It's called conversation."
Dilbert, Wally, and Asok are eating lunch. Asok says, "I plan to use my raise to move my home in the handicapped stall to a storage facility." Asok continues, "If you are trying to think of a housewarming gift, I wouldn't say no to a flashlight." Wally says, "If you need help moving, don't hesitate to call Alice." Asok replies, "You are too kind."
Tags #binge eating, #both mandatory and prohibited, #budget freeze, #corporate communications, #cubicle, #danville font, #danville font software, #department, #negativity, #next evaluation, #non stop sobbing, #approved corporate font, #no eating, #cubicles
The Boss says to Tina, "Tina, you didn't use the approved corporate font." The Boss continues, "Our corporate communications department days we have to use the danville font." Tina replies, "No problem. I'll buy the danville font software today." The Boss says, "There's a budget freeze on software purchases." Tina asks, "So.. the danville font is both mandatory and prohibited?" The Boss says, "Remind me to ding you for negativity on your next evaluation." Tina responds, "I think I'll do some binge eating and non-stop sobbing at my cubicle now." Tina continues, "Unless that's prohibited too." The Boss replies, "No eating in cubicles."
Asok, The Boss, and Wally are eating donuts and drinking coffee. Asok says, "The great thing about free speech is that I can criticize the government." The Boss replies, "I'd fire you." Asok says, "I mean outside of work." The Boss responds, "I'd fire you for that too." Asok asks, "May I express enjoyment of my pastry?" The Boss replies, "Sure. It's a free country."
Dilbert, Tina, and Wally are eating lunch. Wally says, "I found a coffee stain on my carpet that looks like a man's face." Tina replies, "It might be a miracle... Or maybe a sign of the end of time." Wally responds, "I hope not. I added coffee and gave him a squirrel body."
Dilbert, Wally, and Alice are eating lunch. Dilbert says, "I worked sixty hours last week." Alice replies, "That's nothing. I worked seventy hours." Wally says, "That's nothing..." Wally continues, "Oh, wait... I just recognized the pattern."
Dilbert, Asok, and Wally are eating lunch. Asok says, "My training CD has gone bad. It is brainwashing me to become a cyborg." Dilbert responds, "Don't worry. Smart people such as you can't be brainwashed to do stupid things." Asok has transformed into half cyborg. He approaches Dilbert and says, "Guess who doesn't know the first thing about brainwashing."
Headline: To: Employees From: Catbert. Catbert types, "All non-work conversations are banned." Catbert continues typing, "From now on you're only allowed to talk about work." An employee is eating dinner at home with his family. All of his children are asleep at the table. His wife says, "I think it only applies during work hours." The employee responds, "I can't take that chance."
The Boss is with another man and introduces him to Dilbert. The Boss says, "Dilbert, I'd like you to interview Matt for our department." Dilbert asks Matt, "There's a three-year gap in your work history. What were you doing?" Matt replies, "One day I was balancing my checkbook and noticed a bank error." Matt continues, "So I embarked on a three-year mission to make the bank admit its mistake!" Matt continues, "I worked the phones day and night, rarely eating or bathing." Matt continues, "Then came the sit-ins, the media frenzy and the landmark court case." Matt exclaims, "The bank claimed that seven minus four is three. And I'm like, 'Since when?'" After the interview, The Boss asks Dilbert, "Would he fit in?" Dilbert replies, "Unfortunately, yes."