Financial Reports Comic Strips - Page 10

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122 Results for Financial Reports

View 91 - 100 results for financial reports comic strips. Discover the best "Financial Reports" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #arrogant, #awesomeness, #deep undertsnding, #meetings, #moral obligation, #no kill switch, #reports, #tecnology, #tone down

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Boss: I'm getting reports that you're being arrogant in meetings. Dilbert: That's because I have a deep understanding of technology and a moral obligation to keep simpletons from ruining the world. Boss: Maybe you could tone it down. Dilbert: There's no kill switch on awesome.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #tech support, #ticket window, #evaluated, #how helpful, #trouble tickets, #stubborness, #obsticle, #financial success, #disconnected, #new stranger, #hating

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Tech Support: Hello, this is tech support. May I close your ticket now? Dilbert: Um... no. You haven't helped me yet. I just called you. Tech Support: I'm not evaluated on how helpful I am. I'm evaluated on how many trouble tickets I close. Your stubbornness is becoming an obstacle to my financial success. By the way, if our call gets disconnected, I count that as a closed ticket. Dilbert: I'll make it quick. Tech Support: What? What? I can't hear you. Dilbert: Son of a beach ball! On the plus side, my goal of hating one new stranger every day is right on track.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #telling how to do job, #priorities, #reports, #email, #suggestions

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Boss: Stop telling Tina how to do her job. You're not her boss. Dilbert: I was just helping out because her boss has his priorities all backward. Boss: She reports to me. Dilbert: I'll email your boss some suggestions for fixing you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lying, #new business, #professional liar, #albis, #job refernces, #annual reports, #born evil

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Dogbert: I'm starting a new business as a professional liar. I'll provide alibis, job references, annual reports, and that sort of thing. Dilbert; Were you born evil? Dogbert: It feels as if someone else had a hand in it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #reports, #cycnical, #accurate worldview, #upset people, #angry guy, #confident in worldview

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Boss: I'm getting reports that you're being cynical. Dilbert: It's called an accurate worldview. You should try it sometime. Boss: If it's accurate, why are people upset? Dilbert: Said the angry guy to the one who isn't.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #travel budget freeze, #technical problems, #fiancail targets, #satisfying customers, #sounds bad, #said outloud, #business

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Dilbert: I need an exception to the travel budget freeze so I can fix an important customer's technical problem. Boss: No, because arbitrary financial targets are more important than satisfying customers. Wait... why does that sound bad when I say it out lout? Dilbert: If it makes you feel better, I wasn't listening.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #obstinacy, #resistant to change, #reports, #terrible ideas, #confusing

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Boss: I'm getting reports again that you're resistant to change. Dilbert: I only resist terrible ideas but I can see how that would confuse you. Boss: Whatever you're doing, cut it out. Dilbert: Should I stop being rational in general or only i this one way?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #emotional manipulation, #executives, #financial gain, #leader, #leaders, #less unlikable, #lonely job, #manipulation, #obliviousness, #popularity

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CEO: Being a leader is a lonely job. Dilbert: Try being less of a #!@*. Then people might want to spend time with you. CEO: I don't see how that could work. Dilbert: Can we get back to manipulating my emotions for financial gain?

Financial Advisor Keeps Him Waiting

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Financial Advisor Keeps Him Waiting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #finances, #financial advisor, #investing, #knowledge, #money, #personal finance

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Financial Advisor. Dilbert: You kept me waiting in the lobby for five minutes. So I used that time to learn everything that matters in the field of personal investing. Did you know that you don't know much? Financial Advisor: I did not know that.

Financial Advisor Is Surprised At How Easy It Is

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Financial Advisor Is Surprised At How Easy It Is - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #financial advisor, #investing, #money, #stock market, #swindling, #convertible notes, #preferred stock, #call options, #career ambition, #ginat mosquito

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Financial Advisor. Advisor: Convertible notes... preferred stock... municipal bonds... covered call options. These are things you can never hope to understand. So trust me and try to forget that my only career ambition is to drain your account like a giant mosquito. Boss: That sounds reasonable. Advisor: I'm always surprised at how easy this is.