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Dogbert asks a butcher, "Do you have cured ham?" The butcher says, "Right here." Dogbert says, "Boy, if that's cured, what does a sick one look like?!" Dogbert walks down the sidewalk and says, "I've always felt a duty to share my gift of mirth with others."
Dilbert stands at the counter in a joke store. The salesclerk says, "You might be interested in our exploding cigars." The clerk lights a cigar and says, "I'll fire one up just to show you . . ." The trick cigar explodes. Dilbert asks, "Aren't they harmful?" The clerk, who has burns on his face, replies, "Studies are inconclusive."
Dawn the Dinosaur says to Bob, "I think I'm going to have an egg, Bob." Dawn continues, "I'm having unusual cravings." Bob shouts, "Yes!! I did it!!" Dawn puts her hands on her hips and says, "Like right now I'm craving you will stop taking all the credit." Bob shouts, "I'm number one!!"
Dawn: Little dinosaurs must listen to their mothers. Rex: Why? Dawn: Uh... Because older dinosaurs have experience... We know how to avoid danger. Rex: Yeah? Bob: Hey, did you know it hurts when you stick one of these in your eye? Rex: Hee hee! Good one, mom; I almost believed you!!
The caption says, "It is the most feared and hated creature on earth." The caption says, "Not a dinosaur." Bob the Dinosaur growls. The caption says, "Not a rabid dog." Dogbert asks, "Rabid?" The caption says, "Not Donald Trump." Donald Trump wears a tuxedo. The caption says, "It is the 'ugly single male.'" Dilbert holds his arms out. The caption says, "Other males fear being associated with him." Dilbert says, "Hi, guys!" Two men run away from him. The caption says, "Women avoid eye contact and flee in horror." Dilbert asks, "Anybody free for lunch?" One woman puts her head down and covers her face. Another runs away. The caption says, "Only a maiden sacrifice can end the horror." A woman tells Dilbert, "We drew straws; I have to marry you."
Dilbert and several men sit in the audience. A man says, "At the 'Scientist Anti-Defamation League' we must dispel society's notion that scientists are always male." The speaker continues, "Unfortunately, our membership is totally male because all of you joined just to meet women. Any ideas?" One man says, "Maybe we could merge with the 'Aerobic Instructor Anti-Defamation League.'"
Rex: Dogbert, can I ask you a question? Dogbert: Sure, little Rex. Rex: What's the difference between good and evil? Dogbert: Well, evil is all the stuff you want to do... And good is the stuff that others force you to do. Rex: My dad says that good is what you know in your heart. He says evil is a bad gut feeling. Dogbert: Well, of course, your dad's brain is so tiny that his other organs have to pitch in like that. Rex: Maybe I shouldn't learn about life from a guy who counts with his toes. Dogbert: And thinks with his guts.
The caption says, "After one week of camping." Dogbert sits on the edge of a hole in the ground and says, "This vacation to Clyde Canyon has been a major rip-off." Dilbert, who is wearing a backpack and looks unshaven, says, "I'm glad it's over." A hiker walks to the edge of the hole and says, "Why are you two in that hole when beautiful Clyde Canyon is just over the ridge?" Dogbert says, "Maybe we shouldn't bother getting our photos developed."
Two aliens say to Dogbert, "Take us to your leader." Dogbert asks, "What kind of leader do you want . . .? Spiritual? Economic? Political? Military?" One alien asks, "Political?" The other replies, "Try it." Dogbert says, "Okay, do you want a city, county, state, federal or world political leader?" One alien says, "World . . . Definitely world." The other says, "Multiple choice is so easy." Dogbert says, "Sorry . . . Trick question. There is no political leader of the world." Dogbert continues, "But over that hill is a grocery store that claims to be the price leader." Dilbert arrives at home wearing burned clothes and carrying a bag of groceries. He tells Dogbert, "The strangest thing happened at the grocery store." Dogbert says, "It's been a strange day."
Dogbert thinks, "One of the great things about being a dog is that we can take a nap any time we want." Dogbert continues thinking, "Sometimes we do it because we're tired." Dogbert lies on his back as Dilbert walks by carrying a briefcase. Dogbert thinks, "But mostly, we do it to make you hate your life."