Payroll Expenses Low Comic Strips - Page 10
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Asok and Ed are sitting at a computer. Ed looks irritated. Asok says, "Your accounting system is so dysfunctional that the results are meaningless." Asok continues, "How is it possible that no one has noticed?" Ed replies, "I've always wondered about that." The Boss is sitting at his desk. He thinks to himself, "My payroll expenses are zero again. I'm a management genius."
Dogbert stands on The Boss' desk. Dogbert says, "I can teach you to manage your time more efficiently." Dogbert continues, "Put all of your high priorities on one list and your low priorities on another." Dogbert finishes, "Then do everything on both lists even if it kills you. Otherwise you're a freakin' loser."
Dilbert says to a coworker, "Is this number accurate? It seems low." The coworker responds, "Why are you attacking me? Stop attacking me!" Dilbert says, "I think the number is too low." The coworker replies, "It's too late to apologize. Now I hate your guts."
The Boss says to Carol, "Carol, put together a survey to find out why morale is so low." Carol responds, "Survey?!! You could ask any monkey at the zoo what the problem is." The Boss is talking to a monkey through zoo bars. The Boss says, "Do NOT fling that. I repeat..."
The Boss says to Catbert, "I read this motivational book and yet the employees still have low morale." Catbert responds, "Maybe you have a defective copy. You should compare it to another one and see what's different." The Boss asks, "What if the second one is defective too?" Catbert replies, "Sheesh... It's like I'm doing all of your thinking here."
Wally says to The Boss, "If you need me, just page me." Wally continues, "I'll cal you right back unless solar flares stop your page from getting through." Wally finishes, "And of course you'll have some blockage during the high tide, low tide, humidity, and most of your equinoxes."
Dilbert says to a coworker, "And I need a code for charging my project's expenses." The coworker says, "No. I hate your project." Dilbert responds, "It doesn't matter if you hate it. You're just the guy who assigns codes." The coworker motions to the door and says, "Get out of here." Dilbert asks, "Why is everything in this company so freakin' hard?" The coworker replies, "Because of people like you."
The Boss is standing naked, in a barrel. He says to Carol, "To remind us all of our need to reduce expenses, the new dress code is barrels." The Boss continues, "Except for Friday, which will be casual barrel day." Wally, The Boss, and Dilbert are sitting with their arms up and barrels hiding their heads. Dilbert says, "Has anyone else noticed that the barrel rides up with you sit?"
Dogbert is sitting outside behind a desk labeled, "Rat Hole." A businessman approaches holding a bag of money and asks, "May I throw money down the rat hole?" Dogbert replies, "Show me your business plan." Dogbert flips through the business plan and says, "You plan to pay huge investment banking fees to buy a low-margin, money-losing business..." Dogbert says, "For an extra fee, I'll push you in the hold and take your money." The businessman replies, "Oooh, sounds good."
Dilbert, Ratbert, and Bob the Dinosaur are meeting. Dogbert says, "We'll artificially boost revenues by selling to our own offshore subsidiary." Dogbert continues, "Then we'll book our expenses to capital, lie to the media about our prospects, bribe an industry analyst, and cash out!" Ratbert grabs his own throat and gags, "Aak, Aak, Aak." Dogbert says, "I know I'm doing something right when my business practices gag a rat."