Performance Review Comic Strips - Page 10

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238 Results for Performance Review

View 91 - 100 results for performance review comic strips. Discover the best "Performance Review" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 2000's comic on:


Tags #performance review, #weaknesses need improvement, #become invisible, #blurry, #multitasking, #too often

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The Boss asks Dilbert, "Do you have any weaknesses that need improvement?" Dilbert replies, "Sometimes I work so fast that I become invisible." Dilbert goes on to say, "If I seem blurry right now, it's because I'm multi-tasking." The Boss thinks to himself, "Once a year is way too often for this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2000's comic on:


Tags #mahage, #sadistic game show host, #insane, #didn't work, #rather have performance, #pecked to death, #trained birds

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The Boss says to Alice, "I've decided to manage like a sadistic game show host." The Boss continues, "Because it would be insane if I kept doing what didn't work." The Boss asks Alice, "Would you rather have a performance review or be pecked to death by trained birds?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 2000's comic on:


Tags #perfromance evaluation, #3% raise, #earn a billion, #steals as much

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "Write a performance evaluation for yourself." The Boss continues, "Shoot for about 3% raise...because that's what you're getting." Dilbert's computer states, "Dilbert's inventions will earn a billion dollars. But we think he steals almost as much."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2000's comic on:


Tags #bad performance review, #tape measure, #measure twice

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The boss is at a table flanked by Dilbert and Wally. The boss says, "My philosophy is: measure twice.." The boss continues, "Then cut twice, then uh..." Wally says, "Give the tape measure a bad performance review?" Dilbert giggles, "Hee hee!..Ooh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2000's comic on:


Tags #beatings, #coworkers, #improve moral, #performance review, #team player, #beatings deserved

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Alice is sitting in front of the bosses desk. The boss says, "Lastly, what have you done to improve the morale of your co-workers?" Alice says, "I didn't give them the beatings they so richly deserved." The boss, writing, says, "I'll shorten that to 'team player'?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 2000's comic on:


Tags #Wally, #engineer, #snide of attitude, #incomprehensible, #technical review, #sarcasm, #engineering

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Wally says to an employee sitting at a computer, "My name is Wally and I'll be your engineer." Wally says to the employee, "Our special today is incomprehensible mumbling in an acronym sauce with a snide of attitude." The employee says, "I'll just have a technical review." Wally asks, "Do you want sarcasm with that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 2000's comic on:


Tags #perfromance review, #say its good, #rub in face, #expectations

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Dilbert asks The Boss, "Is that what you wanted?" The Boss answers, "I'm not saying." The Boss says to Dilbert, "If I tell you it's good, you'll rub it in my face at your performance review." Dilbert says, "I'm sorry." The Boss says, "See how you are?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2001's comic on:


Tags #professional liar, #why kind of lie, #lousy movie, #cover of lousy book, #dot commer, #filthy, #have limits, #mena, #liar mad

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Dogbert sits at a desk in the window of a storefront. The sign outside says "Professional Liar." A man looks in the window. The man is sitting across the desk from Dogbert. Dogbert asks, "What kind of lie do you need?" The man says, "It's... It's embarrassing." Dogbert says, "Are you a producer who needs a good review for a lousy movie?" The man says, "No." Dogbert asks, "Are you an author who needs a slobbering quote for the cover of your lousy book?" The man says, "It's worse than that. Much worse." Dogbert says, "Worse? That could only be... aaack!" Dogbert exclaims, "Find someone else, you filthy dot-com founder! I have my limits!" The man is now sitting at a desk with a man in a suit. The man says, "... And since your firm underwrote our IPO..." The man in a suit says, "Would I get to be on TV?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2001's comic on:


Tags #advertise, #dogberts, #magazine, #piece of junk, #stand on head, #subscribe, #ten page ad, #totally objective review, #technology magazine

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Dogbert says to The Boss, "I'm a reporter for 'Dogbert's Technology Magazine'." Dogbert says to The Boss, "I'm writing a totally objective review of your newest product." Dogbert says to The Boss, "First question: Will you advertise in my magazine or is your new product a piece of junk?" The Boss says, "Um... We'll advertise." Dogbert continues, "Will it be a multi-page ad or is your new product a piece of junk?" The Boss says, "It'll be a ten-page ad!" Dogbert says to The Boss, "Can you stand on your head for an hour or is your new product a piece of junk?" As The Boss stands on his head, Dogbert says, "Would you like to subscribe to my magazine? It's ten pages of ads."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 25, 2001's comic on:


Tags #documents, #emailed documents, #end users, #now work, #poor arting, #technical documents, #performance rating, #seventy hours, #open attachments

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The Boss says, "Tina, I have to give you a performance rating of 'Poor' because you did no work this year." Tina exclaims, "No work?" Tina says, "I wrote hundreds of technical documents this year!" Tina continues to The Boss, "I worked seventy hours a week!" Tina continues, "I e-mailed every one of the documents to you..." Tina continues, "... With instructions to forward them with your approval to the end users." The Boss says, "That reminds me: I don't know how to open attachments." Tina says to Dilbert, "Why didn't you tell me you never got my documents?" Dilbert asks, "Who are you?"