Share The Pain Comic Strips - Page 10
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Alice says, "GAAA!!! II HURTS SO BAD!" Alice says, "That artificial display of pain was a reminder that software is not created by magic." The Boss says, "The Elves are getting uppity."
Dilbert says, "Is it my imagination or is your pricing intentionally confusing?" Coworker says, "It's intentionally confusing." Coworker says, "That way you can't compare our prices to our competitors' prices." Coworker says, "Our competitors do the same thing. It's called confusopoly." Coworker says, "We all get our fair share of confused customers and we don't need to lower our prices to compete." Coworker says, "We use the profits from our anti-competitive behavior to fun innovation." Coworker says, "So don't ruin a good system by trying to understand what you're buying." Dilbert says, "That almost sounds reasonable." Coworker says, "Now spank yourself and thank me!"
Woman says, "Would you like to be part of a masters forum to share knowledge across disciplines?" Dilbert says, "No. The only people who will be there are the ones who don't have anything better to do. I try to avoid people like that." Woman says, "I'm the chairperson." Dilbert says, "I'll get a lot done that day!"
Man says, "The engineering department is finishing all of their projects early and we don't know why." CEO says, "Tell them to do a powerpoint presentation at the next executive retreat to share their methods." Asok says, "Now it's my turn to use the dead boss hand puppet!" Alice says, "Uh-oh."
Dilbert: I'd like to talk about my career path. Boss: Are you sure? Dilbert: Um... yes. I'm sure. Boss: Don't say I didn't warn you. You're within 20% of your maximum career potential. Your future will be just like the present, except you'll be older and you might own a less-embarrassing car. If you go to a new company, you'll like it at first. But in time you'll realize every place is the same. Dilbert: Gaaa!! Take back the truth!1 Lie to me! Boss: Maybe someday our CEO will make such a huge bonus that he'll want to share some of it with you. Dilbert: I hate! Boss: Hey, I'm the guy who tried to spare you from this conversation.
CEO: Our strategy is to increase market share. Dilbert: I'm confused. I spent all last year trying to decrease our market share. Was that effort wasted? Don't worry. Wally told me he has a good sense of humor. Wally: I'm not reliable.
Dilbert: I've got two good prospects on this dating site. One is addicted to Facebook and the other is addicted to prescription pain meds. Dogbert: Sort of a tie. Dilbert: But only one of them is likely to make eye contact.
CEO: Google offered to buy our company for $100 million just to get our engineers. Dilbert: Huh. I wonder if I can convince the other engineers to jump ship today and share $100 million amongst us. CEO: What did he just say? Dilbert: Nothing. Just thinking out loud.
Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Boss: Did you find the snake in your cubicle? Dilbert: What the...? Boss: I put it there because I'm trying to motivate you with a culture of fear. Dilbert: That only works in the short term! Boss: A leader takes the first step without knowing where the next step will be. So get to work, and by they way, one of the urinals is electrified. It's only set to stun, so don't be a baby about it. Wally: His office plant is clear.