Theme Of Meeting Comic Strips - Page 10
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Dilbert says to the Boss as he walks by, "I know where you're going." Dilbert continues, "You're going to a meeting where equally uninformed managers will make decisions that neuter the work I did all week." Alice says to Dilbert, "You didn't do any work this week." Dilbert answers, "I think I've got this whole 'work' concept figured out."
Dogbert asks Tina, "Is technical writing the same as word processing?" Tina replies angrily, "No!!!" Tina continues, "I am a highly skilled communications professional! I can take jumbles of inert thoughts and bring them to life!!" The Boss enters and says to Tina, "My secretary is running the staff meeting. I need you to retype this org chart." Dogbert comments, "The doctor is in!"
Wally, Dilbert and Alice walk out of a conference room. Wally says, "That's four hours that I'd like to have back." Dilbert asks, "Who called that meeting anyway?" Dilbert says, "I must have left my calendar in there." Dilbert walks into the room and sees a man grabbing doughnuts from a plate on the conference table. Dilbert says, "I've discovered a primitive donut-scavenging man clad only in yellow sticky notes!!" The man says, "I was once like you, before the great rif." The man continues, "But rather than leave in humiliation I decided to stay and live off the land like our proud ancestors." The man says as he dances, "To ensure a bountiful harvest I do my donut dance to the gods." The man continues, "When that doesn't work I distribute meeting notices." Dilbert shouts, "YOU're the one!!"
Dilbert asks a secretary, "Helen, do you have any staples in the supply cabinet?" Helen replies, "No, I only stock the basics: cheap pens with green ink, big jars of glue and ribbons for obsolete printers." Dilbert asks, "Could you order some staples?" Helen says, "You need to give me the order number." Dilbert says, "Okay. Can I see your supply catalog?" Helen replies, "Wally borrowed it." Dilbert covers his eyes and sobs. The phone rings and Helen says, "I'd better get that; it might be personal." Dilbert stands in the doorway and says, "Wally, do you have the . . ." Wally interrupts, "I need your help with this. Pull up a chair." Alice appears and says, "I need both of you to come talk to a vendor that we'll never use." Dilbert arrives at home and tells Dogbert, "Thanks to teamwork, I almost stapled something today." Dogbert says, "I'm so proud to know you."
The Boss says to Dilbert and Wally, "We need to ship the V-1 product tomorrow. I promised our CEO he can announce it at the shareholder meeting." Wally says, "That's two months early!!" Dilbert says, "We haven't added any features yet!!" Dilbert says, "What would we ship? Our lab prototype is the only V-1 in existence!" Wally cries, "No . . . You wouldn't!" The Boss picks up the device and says, "I've scheduled press tours so you can do demos all next week." Wally asks, "On what?!" As the Boss walks away carrying the prototype, Dilbert says, "We'll need twenty thousand dollars to build another prototype!" The Boss says, "That reminds me; I froze the budget for the rest of the year." The Boss continues, "If there's anything you'd like me to do, don't hesitate to ask." Wally says, "Yeah, I'd like you to do something . . ." The Boss looks angry. Wally says, "Ooh . . . I think I should have hesitated to ask that."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Dogbert sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "On the advice of my dog, I'm asking for an additional ten million dollars for my project." Dilbert continues, "That will make a more spectacular failure, thus guaranteeing a promotion for me." The Boss replies, "As your boss, I'd get recognition too . . . Okay." Wally asks Dogbert, "Wow! Do you have any advice for me?!" Dogbert replies, "Breath mints."
Tags #project time line, #work portion, #meet with people, #competitive bids, #predictable behavior, #randomly reorganize, #department, #cut funding, #final phase, #death, #bitter and broken, #leaving building, #medical
Dilbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dilbert works on a laptop connected to an overhead projector. Dilbert says, "Here's my project time line." Dilbert points to a diagram and says, "The 'work' portion will take one week." Dilbert continues, "I'll spend three weeks meeting with people whom you send to me because you don't feel like talking to them yourself." Dilbert continues, "I'll spend eight weeks getting competitive bids from companies that I know I won't select." Dilbert continues, ". . . Six weeks to get the wisdom and approval of executives who are too busy to understand the issues." Dilbert says, "During that time you will randomly reorganize the department and cut my funding." Dilbert points to a picture of a man jumping out of a building window. Dilbert continues, "In the final phase I leap to my death, a bitter and broken shell of a man." The Boss asks, "Is there some sort of manager thing I should be doing now?" Dilbert replies, "If I time my leap right you'll just be leaving the building."
Dogbert, Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "I've been asked to facilitate this meeting. I alone will determine who can speak." Dogbert continues, "I'd like to begin with a raw display of my power." You may not speak." Dogbert turns to Wally and says, "Hey, Wally . . . Did you ever hear of a thing called exercise?" Wally strains to keep from speaking.
Dogbert, Wally, Dilbert, Alice and another employee sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "I think you'll agree that this meeting went smoothly with me as facilitator." Dogbert continues, "The breakthrough was when I realized I was the only one here with anything valuable to say." Dogbert concludes, "Let's have a moment of silence to honor me for my brilliant work despite being surrounded by dolts." Everyone at the table looks angry.
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss peers into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "I want everyone to prepare a presentation for the executive review board. Urgent." Dilbert makes sniffing noises and says, "What's that smell? Yes!!! . . . It's the scent of unnecessary work for a meeting that will be canceled." Wally peers over the cubicle wall and says to Dilbert, "Did you smell the unnecessary work? We can ignore it!" Dilbert replies, "It's like popcorn for the soul." Alice sits in her cubicle thinking, "Urgent."