Third Party Library Comic Strips - Page 10

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113 Results for Third Party Library

View 91 - 100 results for third party library comic strips. Discover the best "Third Party Library" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiations, #meeting, #capitalism, #disagreeing, #distrust, #business

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Dilbert says, "If we lease a machine from you, how can we be sure you'll stay in business to service it?" Man says, "How can we be sure you'll have enough money to pay the lease?" Dilbert says, "You could check our financials." Man says, "I'm pretty sure your financials are as fraudulant as ours." Dilbert says, "Good point. Maybe we could ask trusted third parties to vouch for us." Dilbert says, "Do you trust any third parties?" Man says, "Not since my financial advisor put my retirement savings in a ponzi scheme and had an affair with my wife." And thus ended capitalism Dilbert says, "Well, we tried." Man says, "Maybe I could grow food in my car."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #meeting, #evil, #ridiculous, #angry, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "Before I counsel you?" Catbert says, "You might want to clench your various sphincters so your soul doesn't escape." Wally says, "Is it okay if I release a scouting party?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #party, #woman, #date, #hold drink, #invent, #shoulder phone, #old man's head, #soup, #bones, #scary, #arm out, #surprised, #run away, #scared, #Dogbert, #trick, #auto-answer, #kiss

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Dilbert says, "It's a shoulder phone shaped like an old man's head. I invented it myself." Phone says, "Let's make soup from her bones, just like the others!" Dilbert says, "I shouldn't have told Dogbert it has auto-answer." Phone says, "Kiss me! Now!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #suicide, #face front, #web only, #company, #business

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Dogbert says, "You're a third-rate company in a dying industry." Dogbert says, "I recommend consultant-assisted corporate suicide." The Boss says, "Will it hurt?" Dogbert says, "It might sting a little when you announce your'e going to be a web-only company."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gadgets, #pizza, #mens room, #ipad, #newspaper, #pizza delivery, #Entertainment

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Alice: Have you seen Wally? Dilbert: He's been in the men's room for two days. He used to leave when he was done reading the paper, but he switched to an iPad and now he doesn't know when he's finished. Alice: He has to come out to eat. Pizza Guy: I have a pizza for the third stall.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #etiquette & ethics, #telepresnece, #carbon based units, #on line, #third stall, #mens room, #etiquette

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Robot: I told Wally he could use my body for telepresence. He's coming online now. Wally: Greetings, carbon-based units. I come to you from the third stall in the men's room. Boss: This is what happens when our techhnology evolves faster than our etiquette.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #obliviousness, #sales personnel, #software, #third party library, #new version, #windows, #engineering

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Dilbert: The software you sold us stopped working after a week. What's up with that? Salesman: We use a third-party library, and it isn't compatible with the new version of Windows. Dilbert: And...? Salesman: We appreciate your business?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #managers & supervisors, #company policy, #rate staff, #no upper body strength, #real reason, #business

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Boss: Company policy says I have to rate one-third of my staff as "Does not meet expectations." I chose the two of you because you have no upper body strength. This way it's safer if you go berzerk. I thought you said I should tell them the reason I picked them. Catbert: Not the real reason.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #managers & supervisors, #ethics course, #failed ethics, #engineer, #grasp, #fast track, #management, #corrupt, #business, #engineering

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Boss: You failed the online ethics course for the third time. You can't be an engineer for this company if you have no grasp of business ethics. You leave me no choice. I'm putting you on the management fast track. Wally: Huh.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #christmas, #gods, #party, #too busy, #almighty creator, #universe, #schedule, #holiday

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Boss: Our Christmas party will be in January because December will be too busy. Wally: I'm sure the Almighty Creator of the Universe doesn't mind that we do things on your schedule, not his. What could go wrong? Dilbert: I hear thunder.