12 Page Description Comic Strips - Page 10
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The Boss, Tina the Tech Writer, Asok the Intern and Ratbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I want you three to write the department newsletter. It's an important, high-profile assignment." Tina says, "I am an experienced technical writer. You have placed me on a project with an intern and a rodent." Tina continues, "MY next raise will depend on THEIR performance." Asok says, "I'll do the sports page!" Ratbert says, "I'll be the topless model on page two."
Tags #assigned, #boss summarizes, #ceiling tiles, #cnn report, #engineer, #lowly engineer, #recommendation, #technology decisons, #technology descion, #three bullet points, #interactive holographs, #engineering
The panel is titled, "Mysteries Revealed." Dogbert asks, "How do ceiling tiles get damaged?" The caption says, "It begins with a lowly engineer who makes a technology decision." Dilbert sits at his desk humming. The caption says, "The engineer writes up his recommendation." Dilbert hands the Boss a report and says, "Ten pages." The caption says, "The Boss summarizes it for the executive director." The Boss hands the director a document and says, "One-page summary." The caption says, "The executive director summarizes it for the vice president." The executive puts a transparency on the overhead projector and says, "Three bullet points . . ." The caption says, "The VP summarizes it for the president." The VP says, "Nice necktie." The president replies, "Thanks. Have some stock options." The caption says, "The president sees a CNN report and makes a technology decision." The president sits in a chair watching television with his feet resting on the VP's back. A newscaster says, "Interactive holographs are hot!" The president says, "Get me some of that!" The caption says, "The engineer is assigned to justify the president's technology decision." Dilbert's feet hang from the ceiling and he says, "Ouch." The Boss thinks, "He took that well."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table reading documents. Dilbert says, "I have to turn this fifty-page proposal into a one-paragraph executive summary for our CEO. It's impossible." Dogbert responds, "Simple." Dogbert says, "How about 'give us three million dollars so we can buy cool technology, pump up our resumes and escape this festering boil you call a company?'" Dilbert says, "I feel obligated to say something about our customers." Dogbert says, "How about 'I'm glad I'm not one of them.'"
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss hands him a document and says, "Add an executive summary to the approval page." The Boss continues, "Keep it simple. Our executives don't understand as much about technology as I do." Dilbert asks, "How could they know less than you do? You haven't figured out how to make your car go uphill." The Boss replies, "Wrong; I got AAA road service."
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "I worked all night but I finished the presentation package you wanted." The Boss looks at a transparency and says, "Put the presentation date on each page." Dilbert says, "Those are color transparencies. It would take hours and cost hundreds of dollars to reprint them." Dilbert continues, "There's no reason to date them. In fact, it would limit future use and clutter the page." Dilbert continues, "But since you're incapable of admitting error . . ." Dilbert bows and continues, "I eagerly await your bizarre, other-worldly explanation for putting the date on each page." The Boss says, "Some people might not have calendars and we have to make sure it's not a holiday." There is an explosion. A cloud of smoke hovers where Dilbert's head should be. Dilbert says, "Ouch. My brain exploded." The Boss says, "The first presentation is February 30th . . ."
The Boss sits at a desk. Dilbert reads a printout and says, "Our original project time line was twelve months . . . But since you pitched in to help . . ." Dilbert continues, "I don't have an exact date, but it's roughly the same time that the sun becomes a cold dark chunk of coal the size of your forehead." The Boss says, "We'll need flashlights." Dilbert says, "And sweaters. It could get nippy."
The Boss says to Dilbert and Wally, "We're having an ISO 9000 audit this week." The Boss continues, "Take a look at your documented job descriptions and make sure that it's what you're doing if the auditor asks." Looking at his job description, Dilbert says, "According to this I'm some sort of engineer." Wally, looking at his, says, "As if we'd have time for that . . ."
Tags #share accomplishments, #created dcoument, #desktop publishing, #two day class, #digitized photos, #color highlights, #multi column, #clip art, #icons, #visual mosaic, #add topic, #some content, #enjoy work
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Let's go around the table and share our accomplishments." Dilbert says, "I created a document this week." Dilbert continues, "But THIS is no ordinary document!" Dilbert explains, "I bought a $500 desktop publishing program and took a two-day class to learn it." Dilbert continues, "I incorporated digitized photos and color highlights in a multi-column page layout!" Dilbert continues, "Clip-art icons are sprinkled liberally around the page to form a visual mosaic!" Dilbert continues, "Next week - God willing - I'll add a topic and some content." The Boss says, "Do you remember when I said you should enjoy your work? I didn't mean it." Dilbert says, "Ooh."
Dilbert sits at a table with a bearded man. The man says, "Let me show you where the information is in your binder." The man licks his fingers and says, "First, I'll need a good load of saliva on my page-turning hand." Dilbert says, "Maybe you can show me in YOUR binder." The man replies, "Can't . . . Somehow my pages got all stuck together."
A television talk show host says into the microphone, "My guest for today's show is Dogbert, author of the one-page book, 'Unmarried Men are Scum.'" The host says to Dogbert, "Your theory is that all unmarried men should be jailed for life, thus ending most crime." Dogbert replies, "Exactly." The host asks, "What if they try to beat the system by getting married?" Dogbert replies, "Serves 'em right."