Avoid Stress Comic Strips - Page 10
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The Boss says, "The government is nagging us to get rid of our dangerous radioactive waste." The Boss says, "On a totally different topic, I'm giving each of you a motivational paperweight that says, 'Nice going.'" The Boss says, "Try to avoid licking them."
Alice says, "I've noticed that whenever I ask you a specific question by email, you avoid answering it." Alice says, "You're either an unhelpful moron or a poorly designed robot sent from the future to terminate our company." Dilbert says, "How did you know it was a robot?" Alice says, "I didn't."
Woman says, "Would you like to be part of a masters forum to share knowledge across disciplines?" Dilbert says, "No. The only people who will be there are the ones who don't have anything better to do. I try to avoid people like that." Woman says, "I'm the chairperson." Dilbert says, "I'll get a lot done that day!"
Woman says, "I need a minor change to our website." Wally says, "Give me your business case for the change and I'll prioritize it for the queue." Woman says, "I don't have time to write a business case for one little change." Wally says, "I can't justify changing my priorities without one." Woman says, "GAAAA!!! Why can't we do the simplest things in this stupid company???!" Wally says, "Try one of these corporate post-traumatic stress pills to dull your memory of these events." Woman says, "What? Where am I? Who are you?" Wally says, "You were just leaving." Wally says, "They're placebos, but I find that they solve 20% of my problems."
Dilbert says, "Rumor has it that you're pretending to hear things wrong to avoid work." Wally says, "It works great. The secret is to have no shame whatsoever." Coworker says, "Wally, do you have the revised budget estimate?" Wally says, "No, because you asked for a remized bugmet yestitet."
Coworker says, "Wally, did you review the client's specs like I asked you to?" Wally says, "What?!" Wally says, "I thought you asked me to 'preview the lion's pecs.'" Coworker says, "Why would I ask you to preview a lion's pecs?!!" Wally says, "So... now you want me to question everything you say?"
Carol says, "Wally, you helped me avoid work, and now I can't help loving you." Carol says, "I show my love by a combination of insanity and stalking." Wally says, "Aren't you married?" Carol says, "You owe me an old carpet."
Wally says, "I'm exhausted from all of the basic research I'm doing." Wally says, "It's too bad that the value of my work won't be quantifiable for another ten years." The Boss says, "I'd like to see your lab report." Wally says, "So? the new rule is that we write down stuff?"
The Boss says, "Wally, did you finish the vendor comparison?" Wally says, "I'm proud to say I did not." Wally says, "You told me to focus on my highest priorities, and that wasn't one of them." The Boss says, "So? when can I expect it?" Wally says, "Logically, that would be never." Wally says, "If that task ever became the most important thing I was doing, you'd eliminate my position." The Boss says, "True. But at least you're getting the high priority stuff done, right?" Wally says, "So far, it's taking all of my energy to avoid doing the low priorities."
Morgan: The man with no communication skills Dilbert says, "Did you get results from the stress tests yet?" Morgan says, "Stress tests have to be performed under controlled conditions." Dilbert says, "Has anyone ever explained to you the yes-no form of questions?" Morgan says, "Is it my turn to talk?"