Convince Customers Comic Strips - Page 10

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199 Results for Convince Customers

View 91 - 100 results for convince customers comic strips. Discover the best "Convince Customers" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project, #customer calls, #can't deliver on time, #features needed, #getting waterboarded, #birthday, #price went up

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Dilbert: My project is on hold. Do you need any help on yours? Alice: Sure. Call these customers and tell them we can't deliver on time or with the features they need. Dilbert: Do you have any tasks that don't feel like getting waterboarded on your birthday? Alice: And tell them the price went up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pro bono job, #hit with suit, #chair, #dinosaur bob, #liked it

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Bob The esquire dinosaur Bob: I slapped your ex boss with his own suit until he agreed to rehire you. Bob: It only took ten minutes to make him agree, and another hour to make him convince ne that he liked it. Bob: How much do I owe you for all the fun? Wally: This one is pro bono.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #targeted for elimination, #rumor campaign, #convince eevryone, #dishonest incompetenet, #wasn't hugged enough

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Alice: Hello, Keith. you're the next coworker I have targeted for elimination. I'll be using a rumor campaign to convince everyone you are dishonest and incompetent. Keith: Why??? Alice: Do I need a reason? Dilbert: we think she wasn't hugged enough.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wealthy investor, #list of cutomers, #products to injure, #lawyer, #contract, #list, #legal

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The Boss: We financed our expansion by selling the goodwill on our balance sheet to a wealthy investor. Dogbert: "I made a list of the customers that I want your products to injure." "Your lawyer did a bad job on the contract." The Boss: "His name is on your list."

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"We have a squatter problem." "We must make our empty cubicles appear occupied or else we'll lose them to other departments." "When we're done hosing our own company, can we start hosing the competition?" "Our customers are next."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Today I will teach you how to use your incompetence to achieve your goals." "Step 1: Be incompetent. (Also known as 'the easy part.')" "Step 2: Volunteer for the most difficult and important projects" "Step 3: Convince your boss that an enemy within the company is slowing you down." "Step 4: Insist that competent people be pulled off of other projects to help you." "Step 5: Declare yourself the leader of the competent people" "Step 6: Claim credit for the work of the competent people." "Step 7: After you get promoted, fire the competent people to eliminate witnesses."

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Wally in Marketing "According to my market research, ninety percent of your customers..." "...'fantasize about beating you to death with your stupid product.'" "What about the other ten percent?" "They asked for your company address but didn't say why."

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Customers are complaining that our price stickers leave white crud on the product. "Our action plan is to include directions on how to lick it off." "What about fingernails?" "Why would you lick fingernails?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"If you hire me as your lobbyist I will convince Switzerland to attack Elbonia." $ "When the war begins, your sales of Kevlar Lederhosen will skyrocket!" "It's not as bad as it sounds. Elbonians believe that if they die fighting a neutral country, their souls get candy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #loud guy section, #no loud guy, #date, #man screams, #stories, #noise, #restaurant, #customers, #hostess, #table nearby

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Would you like to be seated in the loud guy section or no loud guy? Menu "They both sound good. We'll try the loud guy section." "I hope he has good stories." "AND THEN!"