Everything You Say Comic Strips - Page 10

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Everything You Say

View 91 - 100 results for everything you say comic strips. Discover the best "Everything You Say" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Enjoys Listening To Himself

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Enjoys Listening To Himself - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #talking, #coffee, #boring, #moment

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I recently realized how much I enjoy listening to myself talk. The alternative involves listening to people who are boring and wrong about everything. Dilbert: That's not... Wally: Shhh! Don't ruin a perfect moment.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Wally, #goals, #employees, #accomplishing

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Did you achieve your goals this quarter? Wally: I sure did! Best quarter ever! The Boss: Really? I wasn't expecting that. Wally: What kind of manager has no faith in his employees? You need to trust me to do what needs to be done. The Boss: Um, okay, so... Which goals did you accomplish? Wally: You also need to trust your employees when they say they accomplished their goals. The Boss: I think I see where this is going. Wally: I was hoping you wouldn't.

Robot Learns Human Behavior

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Learns Human Behavior - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #coffee, #bug, #robot, #sexist, #racist

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I built a robot that learns human behavior by observation. By the end of the first week it was a sexist, racist idiot. The Boss: Can you fix that bug? Dilbert: Some say climate change will get it done.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #assumption, #arguing, #logic, #argument

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: You said the software would be finished by today. Dilbert: I said it might be finished by today. Man: Why did you say it might be finished if you knew it wouldn't? Dilbert: I didn't know it wouldn't be finished. Man: Now you're flip-flopping all over the place. Dilbert: You're conflating your own false memories with my actions. Man: That's exactly what liars say. Dogbert: How was work? Dilbert: Totally normal. Unfortunately.

Everything We Have Done Is Stupid

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Everything We Have Done Is Stupid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mistake, #criticism, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I recently learned that everything we have been doing is stupid. Dilbert: Does that mean we'll be changing what we do? Boss: Let's see how far we can get by demonizing our critics first.

Only Two Bad Choices

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Only Two Bad Choices  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #choice, #choosing

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We have only two choices, and both of them are bad. SO we'll do the only smart thing we can do in this situation. Dilbert: Choose the path that is least bad? Boss: I was going to say pick the path that hurts our enemies the most, but you're ruining it with your talking.

Death By Ninjas Is Best

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Death By Ninjas Is Best - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ninja, #hit man, #optimism, #frustration, #irony

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Why aren't you worried about the Elbonian ninjas who are reportedly coming here to kill you in your sleep? Dilbert: That's the best way to die. I won't care about anything after I'm gone, so this is the ideal scenario for me. Elbonian 1: He's ruining everything with his cheery attitude. Elbonian 2: Let's see how he likes another thirty years in a cubicle.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #deceit, #contract, #cost, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Here's my invoice for the extras. Dilbert: The invoice we already paid covered everything in the contract. Man: That only covered the costs I quoted with intentional clarity. There are other costs that I might have mentioned in the long and rambling explanation that was intentionally ambiguous. Dilbert: "Might have??" I'm sure you did not. Man: Sounds like your word against mine. Dilbert: And even if you did mention it, you just said it was intentionally ambiguous!!! Man: I don't think you want to tell your boss you're a bad listener. Boss: I thought we already paid this vendor. Dilbert: Did you forget all the extras I told you about?

Everyone Says You Disagree With Everything

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Everyone Says You Disagree With Everything - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accusation, #catch-22, #rebuttal, #defensive

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Everyone says you aren't being a team player because you keep disagreeing with everything. Dilbert: Everyone does not say that, and I don't disagree with everything. Boss: There you go again. You'd be a terrible lawyer. Dilbert: Thank you.

Dilbert Is Misinterpreted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Is Misinterpreted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assume, #assumption, #proof, #obstinacy

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Is it true you are telling everyone the new product road map is stupid? Dilbert: Um... nothing remotely like that has ever happened. Here's an email in which I say how good it is. Alice: You hesitated in your answer. That means you're lying. Dilbert: Read the email!!!